Why did the chicken cross the road: Part 2.

In view of the recent 'infantile' post written by Steve McChicken McDermott, I'd thought try to emulate Mr. Edinbloodybugger's Singabloodypore's take on 'Why did the chicken cross the road'.

Steve McDermott: The chicken crossed the road because there was no freedom of expression on it's side of the road. Right on the other side of the road, there are more freedom of expression, and more chickens with higher thinking level.

About Steve McDermott; Mr Steven E. McDermott BA (Hons.)(QUB,UK),MA(Warwick,UK). Was a Senior Lecturer in Sociology, Diploma in Economics and Bachelor of Science programmes.

He lectured in Sociology for 3 years in Singapore on the University of London external degree programme. Also lectured on Northumbria University's Masters programme, on Research Methods and Methodology, (HR844).


And finally, here's my take on why did the McChicken cross the road:

UrbanMalebitch: The chicken crossed the road to get to the other side to be a lecherer lecturer in a private school on a University of London course. After having crossed the road, the chicken concluded:

1. That Singapore students aren't bright and do not have critical thinking skills based on the chicken's teaching experience, although the school is not a representative of Singapore's universities (NTU and NUS) .

Hmmm... one of my English lecturers comes in to lecture whilst reeking of alcohol whilst the other just talks rubbish, does that mean that all English lecturers are alcoholics and are full of rubbish?

2. That because some popular Singapore bloggers like MrBrown jokes around, pulls silly faces, and does not write seriously, that Singaporeans are infantile. Nevermind that the Singapore National Education series are satirical in nature. Or some articles or pictures are just parodies.

Maybe the arts trained chicken forgot that George Orwell's 'Animal Farm' is also a satire. Can't blame the chicken for being forgetful; while studying there, I found most of them to be so forgetful, they even forget to close their legs. Explains the number of single mothers there.

3. That the caning laws are ridiculous and repressive, although it has been effective in dealing with vandals and paedophiles. Oh yah, better to have vandals tearing out public seats, vandalising on walls and paedophiles lurking around every corner of the street than to spare their asses from the cane.

4. That freedom of expression articles means publishing and researching one sided view articles that critique a country negatively; Is that how Research Methods and Methodology, (HR844) should be taught? Not a balanced research, but a one sided research. Wow.

I must be infantile, answering questions as to 'Why did the chicken cross the road?'.

Farewell SMS

My colleague (or ex-colleague) send this SMS:

Have fun in your next job. Send me your personal e-mail so that we can keep in touch. May your next successor to swear as well as you do.


What da heow? ... I know I am vulgar and such, but did not know that my reputation has preceeded me in the use of vulgarities.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

For today's post, I'd thought I would try to emulate the writing style and content of the some of the blogs that I have been spying stalking reading on, by answering the age old question, "Why did the chicken cross the road?".


Qn: Why did the chicken cross the road?

littlemissdrinkalot: To get to the bottle of Macallan on the other side of the road.

KnightofPentacles: Cause the grass is greener on the other side


Mr. Miyagi: Surf stop. Hot chick crosses the road.

b4421434

Phroar! This linky stuff is good!

SillyCelly: SIAO Bor! Chick klosses the load for what? Go ask Aunty Celly for advice lah. Muahahahaa.... *exams driving me nuts as u can see.. I get sickly creative though.. No?*


LimBueyTor: The chick crosses the road. The chick wants to get to the other side to meet more chicks The chicks are hot. The chick that crossed the road is one hot babe maaaannnn.....

HotChix: Across the road is where all the beautiful sistas gather.. to share, to listen, to eavesdrop, to ogle, to frolick, to love..

Biatch: Steady poon pee pee..
across the road got alcohol and then a quickie can or not?

CowboyCaleb: Cause across the road there are many chicks waiting to get laid. What am I saying, I am staying monogamous now. I think I need a cold shower.

Mr. Brown: In today's Singapore National Education, I learned that the "chicken crossed the road" does not have the same ring as the "hot chick cross the road". Maybe I'm not hip enough. Listen to our next browncast as Mr. Miyagi and me discuss about the ways the chicken can cross the road.

I also learned that Singaporeans should try very hard not to knock down foreign talent, even if the local driver had right of way, and the ang moh pedestrian disregarded traffic rules and ran across a traffic junction.

It can cost you 2 million dollars.

Remember, it's not the Red Man, Green Man, but the White Man you need to look out for.

Alcoholism Test

Taken from a link of maotai's blog..., I was drinking Glenfiddich on the rocks whilst taking the quiz...and here's the result...

Bourbon Congratulations! You're 125 proof, with specific scores in beer (80) , wine (116), and liquor (60).

Screw all that namby-pamby chick stuff, you're going straight for the bottle and a shot glass! It'll take more than a few shots of Wild Turkey or 99 Bananas before you start seeing pink elephants. You know how to handle your alcohol, and yourself at parties.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 37% on proof You scored higher than 88% on beer index You scored higher than 97% on wine index You scored higher than 83% on liquor index

Link: The Alcohol Knowledge Test written by hoppersplit on Ok Cupid

I have decided to teach that Indian IT Manager a few hokkien profanities.

For starters, the term Nah Beh means ok.
And the term, Chee Bye, means good.

I can imagine the conversation to go like this:

Indian IT Manager: Hey, I need your documentation to be detailed, and simple to read so that anyone who does not know IT can just pick it up and know what to do. He will also know the blueprint of the entire IT architecture. And by looking at the documentation, will know how to implement the entire IT infrastructure

Me: Nah Beh

Indian IT Manager: Ya, I think it's a good idea so that we can save money on hiring skilled IT workers.

Me: Why, that's the most Chee Bye idea I have ever heard.

Indian IT Manager: So, I can see the updated documentation by tomorrow?

Me: Nah Beh

Now, since I'm leaving anyway, by the time he finds out the actual meaning of the word, I will be long gone. Heh. Evil plan starts tomorrow.

A hedonistic weekend: Day 2

The day started off with me taking a dump. No, make it a huge dump. A few huge dumps, actually. I think my stomach could not get used to the water, and the chilli. G, Million Theory Man, Tripleperiod and me had the hotel’s breakfast, which pretty much consisted of eggs, sausages and coffee.

With Tripleperiod’s dischevelled ‘after fuck messy hair’ look, G and I suspected that Million Theory Man and Tripleperiod had, how should I put it, an active night. Especially since they were moved from a room with two single beds to a room with a double bed, due to aircon failure. Before anyone doubts their sexuality, both of them are NOT homosexual. They love members of the opposite sex more than anything else. Probably spent the whole night wrestling for more estate space on the bed.

Hotel Bed shared by Tripleperiod and Million Theory Man

The day’s itenary was to visit the temples. After all, this was the main purpose of the trip. G and Million Theory man, to give thanks to the gods for their blossoming careers, and Tripleperiod, to thank the gods for his successful LASIK eye operation. First stop was the 4 faced Buddha at the corner of Grand Hyatt Hotel

4 faced buddha shrine

The Thai Buddhists do have an interesting variation of praying. You can pay a certain amount of money to the Temple, and they will have dancers and musicians performing while you pray to the 4 faced Buddha. Note the three dancers and musicians in the background whilst the three devotees are praying.

Praying in temples

Dance Rates

Selling Sparrows

If there is one thing to describe Bangkok, it’s FREAKIN’ BLOODY HOT! The weather is hot, the food is hot (spicy), and the cheo bus are also hot. We sauntered down to World Trade Centre, and the following sign caught my eye.

Gaysorn

Why would anyone want to name their store Gaysorn, eludes me. Perhaps they misspelled the ‘p’ with an ‘s’. So there we have it, in the middle of thunder Thighland, you can find GaysPorn and BangCock

The sweltering heat was perfect for Swensens.

Chocolate Fondue

After the sinful lunch, we visited another temple. It was pretty interesting to see the architecture of the building, and the way the Thais worship. The religion, Buddhism, is essential the same, but with a different accent.

And we walked out to Khao San Road, a backpacker’s haven. This is where most poor budget ang moh’s congregrate. And to take buses out to coastal areas for dive trips. Should take note of this place in case I wanna go diving later.

Khao San

We then moved on to our last stop, the City Pillar Shrine. It’s a popular shrine, with a lot of people praying.

City Pillar Shrine

With so much praying, I guess all 3 of them are not only giving thanks, but atoning for their planned sins adventures for that night. Me, I am beyond hope already. No amount of praying will ever save my poor soul from all the vices (drinking especially) and sins that I have committed.

We then headed down to Ratchada to do some bird watching.

The group split up from there, and me, G, and another acquantaince that we met up with went to Sukhumvit Road to check out the salsa scene in Bangkok. Sad to say, it’s almost non existent. Or maybe Saturday night at Club Rueda just isn’t the right night for salsa. Went for dinner, which we over ordered and over ate. With Tripleperiod leading the way, we met up at Cowboy Caleb’s Bar Soi, a raunchy joint with agogo bars.

To be continued…

Blogger's dilemma

You know that you have to start moderating yourself, or blog as another person when friends of friends starts to recognize ur blog, or starts asking u not to blog about them.

Today I met sf's friend,S, who happened to read my blog.

S: Aren't you the one who has a blog by the name of UrbanMaleBitch?

Me: Yah

S: Haha...it's so funny. You seem so decent and nice in person...but ur blog, with all those strike out... and talk about sex....

Me:Hmm...are you surprised?

S: Actually no, cause all guys do think about sex.

Me: :
Bingo! You got that right. All guys think about sex. Either that, or they are bluffing. We guys can all be summed up with just a simple basic computer program:

10 think of sex
20 go to 10

Later on, Cheeky Chops had an accident on the dance floor, and her toe nail chipped backwards. After helping her bandage her toes;

Cheeky Chops: I am damn suay, this is the second time this happened to my toes. Just when it is growing nicely.

Me: Oh? You have accidents before?

Cheeky Chops: Yeah. I'm always very clumsy. Most of the time, my toes are the one that gets injured.

Me: Ok, I think I shall go buy 4D for today, maybe will strike.

Cheeky Chops: Ya, you should.

Me: Hmm....maybe it's karma. Maybe in your previous life ... you had a fetish for other people's toes.

Cheeky Chops: Hahaha... wait a minute...ur not gonna blog this

Me: Actually, it has never crossed my mind, but thanks for giving me the idea anyway...

There were other funny/embarassing/controversial incidents over the past few weeks, but my friends had managed to threaten/wrangle a verbal agreement not to blog about it from me.

Time to start blogging as another persona.

Increasing my tolerance for stupidity.

After working and talking to that Indian IT manager, I can feel myself getting numb working with such blur fucks.

I don't who I feel sorry for more, the Indian IT manager, or the directors that hired him.

Cowboy Power

Whoa...yesterday I realised that I was linked by Cowboy Caleb's post

Excerpt:

The UrbanMaleBitch is another regular in the Cowboy Bar, and enjoys nothing better then the opposite sex. He went to Thailand with a few other bloggers recently and blogged about it.

I know that I’ve been highlighting norti bloggers lately, but it’s almost time for the Darling Buds of May to bloom and with the birth rate at an all time low in Sillypore, we need all the help we can get. Good blogger or Norti blogger, we have to maintain the balance in the Force.

Hmmm...... I enjoy nothing better than the opposite sex. This goes without saying. I don't think I enjoy sex with the same sex.

Correction, it should be: I enjoy nothing better than sex. And whiskey. And wine. And cold beer.

After getting linked , my hits just went through the roof.

Counter

>


Now, if only he could do the same to some of the stocks that I'm gonna buy.

My first time

I sat on the bed, unsure of what else to do. To the drawer on the right was my pile of clothes, neatly folded.

She brought in a tub of warm water, and proceeded to wash my feet. I felt uncomfortable, as this was my first time. She sensed my discomfort, and looked up, with a sweet smile on my face. Finishing up, she left the room.

I sat still on the bed, wondering what would happen next. I have read so much about it, but yet, still unsure of myself. She returned, and motioned for me to lie down. She started with the toes, and the feet, and slowly worked her way up towards my groin, stopping short of the loin area. My body tensed, from her touch. It was forceful, yet relaxing. Working on my inner thighs, she massaged, touched, and knead in different angles, each bringing a different sensation.

With her limited English she asked me to flip over, and proceeded to work on my back, straddling me, carressing my neck, and shoulders, alternating between soft and hard strokes. Our backs arched from the tension build up, and with a twisting burst of movement, my spine cracked, the tension relieved, and let out a sigh of relief.

It was a good traditional Thai massage. She patted my back, and got out of the room, whilst I changed from the pajamas into my own clothes. I walked out of the room, and met up with G, Million Theory man, and proceeded to the counter to pay for the massage.

And just in case you guys were wondering, no, we did not have any 'specials'. It was a decent massage joint called 'Tao Sei' in Silom Road. Sheez.

A hedonistic weekend getaway: Day 1

A friend SMSed:
Remember your passports,
Inform mindef,
Bring enough cash,
Condoms I have,
Most Importantly,
Don't leave your dick behind.
See you guys at the airport tomorrow.

With that, me, Million Theory man, G and Tripleperiod went on a tour of Thailand; with Tripleperiod being the nominated sex tour guide, as he was there for a year fucking working as an sexpat expat.

The journey there was rather eventful; Million Theory man was stopped at the gate before boarding the plane after the X ray machine. When his bag was checked, he was found to have an army issued jack knife, with some nylon ropes. Which he had no recollection of packing. So his name was taken, and was probably the first chinese muslim terrorist suspect in history. Though I'd think that it would be more logical to suspect him of having bondage and S & M tendencies.

Got introduced to another group of 4 guys before boarding, and Tripleperiod said wryly," People must be thinking that we are sammyboy forumers going to chiong Bangkok" , which had me laughing, as minutes before all 8 of us were leering ogling at a chiobu taking the same flight.

Inside Air Asia Plane

The journey was two and a half hours, and Tripleperiod was busy blogging away on his O2 phone.

"Technically, I am not blogging, as I am not connected to the internet. I am just writing my entries to upload to the blog later. So I am still keeping to my word of taking a break from blogging", he explained. Riiiiiiight. I had a sneak preview of what was to cum come, and will leave the details of the journey to him.

MBK

Went to MBK for some shopping, as it was quite near our hotel. It was there that I realised Chinglapoleans all chirp like birds when they are in Thailand.

"Wah...this bag only 199 baht...so cheap...that so cheap...cheap man..cheap..cheep..chip...chirp"

After the shopping, we dumped our bags in the hotel, and Tripleperiod brought us to Booze, a popular club in Thailand. I have only one word to describe the clubbing scene in Bangkok. Fantastic. The drinks were cheap, we got a bottle of Johnny Walker Black label, and mixes for 1,300 baht (about S$56++) . The resident band were really good. Some of our local bands here should take a look at them. The DJ was good too .. and some of the Thai pop and rock clubbing music was good. Though I suspect that some these songs were Thai translations of the English pop/rock music.

And the girls...whoa...they were damn cheo. And it's not only a few of them. Almost 70% of them were beautiful and pretty. And no, I made this observation before starting to drink. Only prob was, they closed at 1 am, and it was too packed for my comfort. We were drooling away at the sheer amount of pretty girls there. If you put the best of the girls that we had ogled at during our past clubbing days together, they will still lose out to this.

If they had a face masseuse there, they would have gotten business from me, as I will have needed to relax my eye and face muscles, from all the strain of ogling.

That night, I drank lots of water, not to prevent dehydration from the drinking (which was little), but to replenish water lost from excessive drooling.