Corporate Buzzwords

A colleague sent me an e-mail about the latest buzzwords to include in our daily corporate vocabulary. Now I know that I do a lot of percussive maintenance. Heh.

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Latest buzzwords to add to your corporate vocabulary.

Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits over every thing and then leaves.

Blowing your buffer - Losing your train of thought.

Salmon day - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

Chainsaw consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the brass with clean hands.

CLM - Career-limiting move - Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is aserious CLM.

Adminisphere - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.

Keyboard Plaque - The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.

Ohnosecond - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

Yuppie Food Stamps - the ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: "We all owe $8 each, but all anybody's got is yuppie food stamps."