Urban Male Bitch

If only they taught algebra this way in schools

2007-09-16T23:01:00.000+08:00

Funny algebra problem.

Cow Economy

2007-09-15T10:23:00.000+08:00

Today, when I was clearing e-mails from last year (yes, that is how backdated I am, with work, salsa and capoeira taking centrestage), I came across this e-mail article, which still gives me a good laugh.

TRADITIONAL CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk
of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of
an ordinary cow
and
produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called
'Cowkimon' and
market
them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat
once a month,
and
milk themsel ves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they
are.
You break for lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows and none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment and high bovine
productivity.
You have the newsman who reported on the numbers
arrested.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You signed a 40-year contract to supply milk at
RM0.06 per litre.
Then midway through, you raised the price to RM0.60
or you cut the
supply.
When the buyer agrees to the new price, you change
your mind again
and
now want RM1.20.
The buyer decided you can keep the milk.
They go look for milk that comes fro m recycled cows
or the cow urine
instead. Your two cows retire together with the
Prime Minister.

A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
One cow-peh and one cow-bu

Porno Tube

2006-11-18T12:05:00.000+08:00

You have youtube. Sooner or later, there will be a pornographic version of it.
Presenting … pornotube.com. Courtesy of shelled from cowboybar, who posted it in one her threads.

Warning: Do not surf to the url, if you are offended by pornography.

There are a few gems, though, and the video clip of the english training for hookers had my stomach in stitches. Enjoy.

2006-10-22T12:35:00.000+08:00

Hilarous NTU lecturer.

Courtesy of Joelle, who posted the link in Cowboy bar.

It's the music delivery, not the music genre.

2006-10-20T10:55:00.000+08:00

Friends who knows me, knows that I am a jazz fan, and most of my hang out places are jazz bars like Jazz @ Southbridge, or Harry's at Boat Quay.

Growing up, most of my music exposure was musicals (think Les Miserables, Phantom of the Opera, etc.), classical and the occassional top 40s. Rock songs do not appeal to me.

And yet, I try to go down to Wala's for my monthly fix of music from the Unexpected, which plays rock.

Today, as I watched Shirlyn and gang perform at Walas, it suddenly struck me why I began to listen to these rock songs.

It's not about the music genre.

It's about the delivery of the music. The powerful vocal chords, the running notes of the electric guitar solo, the crisp and fast staccato drum beats, and the synergy between the band members. That was what that made listening to this band so enjoyable.

Even IT techies makes such mistakes too.

2006-10-01T10:52:00.000+08:00

In the middle of a concert on a Saturday night, I received an urgent message from my engineer.

"After the office power shutdown and start up, one server crashed", he SMSed.

"Which server?"

"The database server"

"Which component failed?"

"I am not too sure. The server could not boot up, but if I switched the hard disks to another server, it works. The monitor screen is blank"

"At least the data is still intact. It should be a hardware controller failure. Call DELL and get the hardware replaced. I will be in office at 9am to sort this out".

And so here I was in office, on a Sunday morning at 9am, troubleshooting the server with the DELL engineer. And we discovered that the reason why the monitor screen was blank, was because the cable attached to the monitor was disconnected. All those worrying and the sleepless night, because of a disconnected cable.

I need a beer

Getting high

2006-09-01T01:09:00.000+08:00

I've finished my fifth pint of beer, and I'm only starting to get a tad bit woozy. After several months of abstaining from alcohol, I thought my alcohol tolerance level would have fallen.

Damn. I'm destined to be a poor alcoholic.

Top 10 lessons learnt today in Nigeria.

2006-05-20T07:00:00.000+08:00

1.Every building has barb wires and at least two security guards.

2.It’s common to have power failures and power surges every hour.

3.Because of the unreliable power supply, every building has a backup diesel electric generator.

4. Your hotel might be a good five minutes walk away from your office, but because of security, you will have to be chauffeured by a driver.

5. Because of the chaotic jams, the five minute distance walks takes half an hour by car.

6. Pot holes on roads in Nigeria are a dime a dozen.

7. Pot holes are far more efficient than speed bumps.

8. Caucasians are not well liked here. Only their money. (Which they believe is theirs anyway.)

9. After the English, the Chinese are the largest foreign community in Nigeria.

10. Put an Englishman and a Chinese in the streets, and the Englishman would most likely get shot first.

Nigeria: Day 1

2006-05-18T19:05:00.000+08:00

As the plane touched down in Nigeria, a few things struck me. The city of Lagos is densely packed. From the plane, I can see buildings after buildings built closely to each other.

There were an unusually large proportion of Chinese. With Chinese, I mean people coming from the PRC. There was even a Chinese engineer who asked me to help him with the embarkation form, as he could not read/speak English. How he managed to travel surprises me.

The airport itself reflects Nigeria as a country. Chaotic. And quick scams to rip you off.

At the immigration, there were people that just walked in from the arrival gate to the immigration. They were escorts to pick up their guests, mainly the Chinese.

There was only one conveyor belt for the luggage claim. And there were no signs telling you which flight the luggage came from. There were a lot of Nigerians with boxes that are heavily wrapped in plastic. Some of them look suspiciously like gunny sacks. It made the place look more like a trading warehouse than an airport. There were a lot of people heavily wrapping their luggage in plastic cling films. I started to wonder if my checked in luggage is safe from the prying hands of the bag handlers at the airport. And I waited for an hour and a half before my bag finally came through.

To use a trolley, you will have to pay an equivalent of US$1.

In the airport carpark, trolleys are just dumped into the middle of the road, obstructing cars from going through. There are no lanes indicating which direction the traffic is going to. And horning each other is a norm.

Jay crossing across the highway

Jaycrossing across the highway is a norm. You can see street vendors hawking their goods along the road. And there are no road signs which indicate where you can overtake, white lines or double yellow lines. There are no one way streets. You just barge your way in.

There are a lot of policemen patrolling around. And they are armed with rifles.

I used to think that if you can survive driving in KL, you can survive driving anywhere.
I was wrong. Compared to the chaos here, KL drivers are like angels.

On my way to the office, I spotted the company KPMG. The building was surrounded by high walls, and topped up with barb wires. It even made Changi prison look less of a prison. As we progress through city, I realized that almost every self respecting building would have all these high walls and barb wires. To top it off, all of them would have security guards.

The next few days would be interesting.

Flight to Nigeria

2006-05-18T19:01:00.000+08:00

“You are going to Nigeria?,” a colleague asked.
“Yes”, I said, shrugging my shoulders.
He burst out laughing. “Good luck, my friend”, he said, “better you than me”. And he shook my friend.

Later in the day, another colleague came by. “I heard you are going to Nigeria today,” she asked.

“Yes, as a matter of fact, my flight leaves at 3.25am”.

She, too, burst out laughing and shook my friend. “Take care, and I will pray for your safety,” she said.

So to horror land I flew.

Changi airport
At 3am, the flight there was full

The journey there was long, with flights connecting from Singapore to Dubai taking about 7 hours. Dubai must have been a very popular destination, as my flight was completely packed even for a 3.25 am flight.

Dubai Airport

At Dubai, waited for 3 hours before boarding to Lagos.

Overworked

2006-03-29T22:56:00.000+08:00

Signs that shows you are consumed by work:

1. Your mum tells u that you were talking about work in your dreams. "8 servers is enough capacity for 250+ users," I apparently mumbled in the midst of my snores.

2. Because of the high print workload in the company, you ordered 8 Canon multifunction printers. Canon upgrades you from an 'SME client' to a 'Major client'. Canon sends a pretty and sexy sales girl to service you. Instead of using the opportunity to chee hong and flirt with the sales girl, the first thing you ask her is if they are going to upgrade their technical support service level and provide free onsite technical support. And then get distracted by her fake eyelash, wondering how long it takes for her to put those fake eyelash on, when she tries to sweet talk you.

3. You start to give yourself MSN Nicks like 'Corporate Zookeeper' to reflect the actual you work you do. That's right, I clean up all these animal's shite.

4. You MSN your friends, and ask them about ERP implementation in the middle of the night. And you wonder why they go offline five minutes later.

5. You think that caller ID is the best invention, because it allows you to filter only important work calls from the redundant work calls.

Sighs. I think I need a long nice holiday.

Farewell, Mrs Dilnot.

2006-02-12T08:04:00.000+08:00

Since young, I had a love for music, and the piano.

Despite my love for the piano, I hated practicing; and dreaded the daily piano practices.

My progress , though on paper looked good, but in reality, it sucked. All I could remember through my piano sessions was just reading up music notes, playing the correct keys, and memorising scales.

When I was 13, I migrated to Australia, and met Mrs. Dilnot. Before she taught me, she appraised my standard, and I had to play a few piano pieces for her to hear. After a few phrases, she stopped me, and corrected me on the spot.

" Your technique and understanding of the music is all wrong," she said, before demonstration how to play the pieces correctly. "And, for you to progress, you will have to start from scratch".

And so, from a Grade 5 pianist; I had to start from Grade 1. Re-learning my technique, and all the basic skills. But yet, I enjoyed her lessons. Her explanation of how to read music, instead of just reading notes. How to intrepret musical scores, and why music for each particular era is written the way it was.

Here was a teacher, who taught me how to play music, and not notes.

Here was a teacher, who took down notes of my mistakes on a notebook for you to bring home to correct.

Here was a teacher, who inspired me to practice the piano daily for an hour and a half.

Here was a teacher, who insisted that my mum sit in with me for the lessons, so that at home, she could ensure that I practiced correctly.

Here was a teacher, who taught me valuable piano techniques, and explained to me why you had to play it that way.

Here was a teacher, who made the scales interesting.

Here was teacher, with 1 year's tutelage, made such an improvement to my skills, that when I came back from Australia, I was more than qualified to take the Grade 8 exams.

Here was teacher, who inspired me.

And more importantly, here was a teacher, who taught me how to love the piano.

But today, I learnt from my cousins from Australia, that she had passed away several years ago, losing the fight to cancer.

And I felt a pang of guilt, sadness and regret.

For, I was her favourite student, her star student.

For, I had meant to visit her, and tell her, how much her tutelage had shaped my life.

And now, that will not happen.

Farewell, Mrs Dilnot.

May you rest in peace.

Henpecked husband.

2006-02-11T01:46:00.000+08:00

Today, an acquantaince asked me if I mind being a henpecked husband, to which I replied," No, just as I expect the wife not to mind being a cockpecked wife".

Sighs. I am getting more corny by the day.

Looking back.

2006-01-23T21:51:00.000+08:00

After a hectic two month work, I finally have some breathing space. It's amazing really, that time flies so fast when you're busy. Without realising it, a year has passed, and looking back, I realised that last year was an eventful year;

1. Not only did I achieve last year's resolution of getting a new job, I changed job twice, with significant increments. There were interesting job experiences; climbing up the gangway of an oil tanker from a little boat in the middle of the sea; or boarding cargo ship, and watching the sailors unload their cargo. And with my latest job, realising that foreign talents can be STUPID. Working with other nationalities can be interesting.

2. A new found ~~pet~~ girlfriend. Yes, after the New Year's Eve fiasco, she has finally found wrapped her evil claws around me. I tried to escape, but alas, my emotions were not as nimble as it used to be, and I got seduced to the dark side. The force was not with me.

3. After 4 + years in the working industry, I have finally turned evil. Yes, schemingly evil, making life difficult for my indian boss. Preventing him for taking credit for my work, and highlighting his stupidity/incompetency/grovelling ways to other colleagues. Though, in the whole scheme of things, I am probably his karma, for making life difficult to other colleagues.
If you can't control your boss, control his boss instead.

4. I finally joined a salsa performing group. It's a close knit group of salsa enthusiasts who are sincere about the dance. More importantly, they are not vain, power hungry nor do they behave like prima donnas. Plus, my current dance partner, though not pretty, is one of the sexiest dancers around. *grins*. Now, I have to balance between the Lindy Hop Ensemble, the salsa group, work and having a ~~potential visa officer~~ girlfriend. Sighs.

5. I have been hanging out regularly with Barflies, the bunch of crazy Thursday Wala Wala regulars. Amongst other things that I have learned, alcohol can turn a nice, soft spoken guy into the Incredible hulk, and transform a petite sweet schoolkid looking girl into a biting machine.

6. After two failed attempts at wakeboarding 8 years ago, at a friend's insistence, I picked up wakeboarding again, and, surprise, I could actually get up on my first attempt. This sport is wickedly addictive and Vitamin M intense. For the month of November/December, I burnt a $800 hole in my pocket.

There are others which I could not recount. Have been getting forgetful lately, with so many things on my mind. Sighs. It' s almost a year, since I started blogging.

Oh, and by the way, Happy ~~nude~~ New Year!

To those children out there, collect lots of ang pows.

To those bachelor/bachelorettes in their late twenties, have fun evading the "When are you getting a gf" questions.

To those attached, have fun evading the "When are you getting married" question.

To those married, I wish you luck in mending the hole in your pocket.

And to those with huge extended family members that meet only once in a year for CNY, good luck remembering their names, and how they are related to you. I know I have trouble doing that. Guys, remember your long lost cousin faces well, for you do not want to be caught dating them only to find out that they are your cousin. Must keep away your misadventures from your family member, y'know.

Meaning of teamwork

2005-11-14T22:33:00.000+08:00

Courtesy of the ~~dumb~~ Indian IT manager, I have finally understood the meaning of teamwork.

Everyone else does the work, whereas he is the team member.

Bloody moron don't even know how to set up a computer monitor.

A new job ,a new beginning.

2005-10-29T02:08:00.000+08:00

After accepting another new job, I had been so busy lately, that I had no time for other ~~vices~~ activities; and yes, that includes ~~drinking~~ blogging.

It is interesting sometimes, that life could play ironic twists in one's life. Barely two months ago, I complained to my ex-boss of the lack of challenge in my previous job. And now, I am faced with many challenges in my new job; running a circus full of clowns is one of them.

Previously, I was paid peanuts (note: not $600,000 per year kind) but now, I am paid my worth;

Previously, I worked with capable managers. Now, not only do the person I report to is an absolute IT idiot, but a coward and a moron as well.

In this new job, I have finally realised what CIO and CFO stands for:

Chief Indian Officer, and Chief Fcuking Officer.

Malaysian Embassy

2005-09-21T07:38:00.000+08:00

"Your passport is expiring only end of this year? You need at least 6 months validity to travel," so said the travel agent, over the phone.

"But I went to Thailand on the same passport a month ago, and they allowed me through", I answered, nonchalant.

"This country is different, the corruption is high; you might be able to get there, but might not be able to get back, unless you start parting with your money," he answered.

So here I was, in the Malaysian Embassy, waiting for my forms to be processed. Forewarned by my mum about the infamous queue in the Malaysian Embassy, I parked my fat ass in front of the Embassy at 7am. Already, there was like 6 people in front of me, and according to them, the queue is short. During the school holidays, the queue could even start at 4am. Talk about kiasuism.

Out of boredom, whilst waiting for the counters to start the form processing, I decided to switch on the notebook to do some reading.

And thanks to some unsecured wireless network lying about, I am now able to ~~surf porn~~ surf the net, while waiting for the ~~snails~~ immigration officers to start their work.

I so lurve my notebook.

postnote: The submission, processing of forms and payment was completed by 8:20am. Which by their standards, is super fast. Guess I must go buy 4D today. Heh.

Sexhibitionist. (NSFW)

2005-09-16T17:16:00.000+08:00

Occasionally, to relieve boredom, friends would ~~shove blog links down my throat~~ pass me blog links .

Today's link of the day is Hazel, the exhibitionist.

Unlike Sarong Party Girl, who peppers her blog with artistic photos and interesting thoughts (and not just her sexual escapades), Hazel just blogs about her sexperience, and in her latest article, how to give head.

Excerpt:

"In Hazel's kamasutra guide--heh -- kiddin -- whats most important in giving a bj is to tease-- try not to be fully naked-- try something like sexy lingerie -- lay him down on his back, climb over him, run your nipples over his face -- near the mouth area -- don't let him get too much of it though -- try kissing and sucking all the way down from his neck to HIS nipples, belly button and then the inner thighs area"

More boobs galore in the earlier posts.

Oh yah, do check out the comments as well, as some of it can be pretty hilarious.

I think I will pass this link to my overseas friends who complained to me that Singapore girls are sexually conservative.

Victim

2005-09-10T17:48:00.000+08:00

They looked at each other, with an impish grin. And then they looked at me.

I stopped gulping my beer halfway, alarmed.

And so, last night, at Charlie's Corner, I was a ~~victim~~ happy recipient of a dare between two barflies.

A kiss on the right cheek from a greasy chicken chop stained lips of a barfly.

And a quick shy peck on the left sheek by another prominent barfly.

Salary Theorem

2005-09-08T15:38:00.000+08:00

Adapted from an e-mail powerpoint that I received ....

The Salary Theorem establishes that engineers and scientists can NEVER EVER earn as much money as businessmen, salesmen, politicians, and actors easily make.

This theorem can be demonstrated by reducing it to a simple mathematical equation:

The equation rests on two assumptions:
Assumption N°1 : Knowledge is Power
Assumption N°2 : Time is Money

Given that :
Power = Work / Time ......(i)
and
Knowledge = Power ......(ii)
Time = Money .....(iii)

By substituting the (i) and (iii) into (ii),
Knowledge = Work/Money

Therefore,
Money = work/Knowledge.

From the above equation:
Knowledge goes towards zero, Money goes towards infinity, regardless of the value attributed to work, even if the value of work is very small.

On the contrary, when Knowledge goes towards Infinity, Money goes towards Zero, even if the value of Work is High.

In conclusion:
The less you know, the more money you definitely make.

So, those of you who have had difficulty following this mathematical equation must make a Lot of money! Now get back to work!

FCUK

2005-09-02T09:22:00.000+08:00

So for the first time, I finally met the littlemissdrinkalot. She wore this FCUK that cracked me and maotai up:

Fabulous
Cleavage
Under
Kit

Eat the Rich.

2005-08-24T09:43:00.000+08:00

Once in a while, I will get my grubby hands on a book to read.

Recently, Makan Guru passed me a book entitled "Eat the Rich" by P.J. O'Rouke.

The book is hilarous, with all it's jibes at economists and political leaders, coupled with it's self depreciating humour.

Excerpt:

"This is how economics is understood after two semesters at most colleges:

1. There are a lot of graphs.
2. I'd better memorize them
3. Or get last year's test.

And this is how economics is understood after three drinks at most bars:

1. There are only so many things in the world, and somebody is taking my share.
2. All payment for work is underpayment.
3. All business is crime.
A. Retailers are thieves
B. Wholesalers are pimps.
C. Manufacturers are slave drivers
4. All wealth is the result of criminal conspiracy among
A. Jews.
B. Japanese.
C. Pirates in neckties on Wall Street."

Selfishness

2005-08-23T09:14:00.000+08:00

"Well, thanks for taking care and feeding me this weekend. Come to London, and I will take care of you there, mate," Cousin M said.

"No problem. Y'know, I extend my friendship to you, much as I extend it to everyone else. And some abuse it. Sometimes, it does not pay to be nice. And some even miscontrue my friendliness as romantic interest," I reflected bitterly.

"You're like me then, being friendly to everyone, and accomodating everyone. You know what, you gotta be selfish sometimes. After you please everyone else,from friends, to your family, you will feel unhappy. Because you don't do things for yourself," he replied, before continuing "And that is why I am on this trip. This 3 year holiday trip."

And it suddenly hit me why I have been feeling so restless lately;

That in accomodating others, I have shortchanged myself.
That in fulfilling society's expectations, I have shortchanged myself.
That in fulfilling my promise on his deathbed, I have shortchanged myself; I suppressed my wanderlust.
That in fulfilling my family responsibilities, I have shortchanged myself; I gaveher up.

But now, the responsibilities and promise has been fulfilled. Now, it's time to think of what I really wanna do, which is the hardest part, and making that decision to change.

Cousin from Australia

2005-08-20T02:37:00.000+08:00

Met up with long lost cousin from down under during the weekend. It's interesting that even after 15 years of not keeping in contact, we could still hit it off well.

From our meeting, I discovered that:

1. Maybe the ability to spout crap/nonsense/rubbish is genetic after all. He spews as much nonsense me.

2. That I am not so kantang after all.

3. That his thinking, and philosophical beliefs is so similar to mine. Our thinking is radical, and goes against conventional wisdom.

4. That we are marriage phobic. Don't ever mention that word to us. It is vulgar.

5. That we have very abused livers. Whilst I have stopped ~~killing my liver~~ drinking heavily much earlier, his still goes on.

6. That we are both left handed.

7. That both of us would like to travel, and see the world. Whilst he is realising his dream, now, I have yet to see mine materialize.

Prayer

2005-08-16T12:09:00.000+08:00

Lord, please give me the strength to:

Forgive the self righteous friend who went ahead to chase her, despite knowing full well that I liked her when I introduced her.

Rebuild and maintain my lapsed emotional discipline, and continue to be her ~~intellectual whore~~ very close friend, despite my wanting to cut off the 10 year friendship. Seeing her tear just melts my heart.

Thank you, Lord, for:

Revealing who my true friends are; Miss Ex Co Lindy Hop instructor turned good friend, thanks for being there, and just listening to me spout rubbish; Tripleperiod, who called and offered a listening ear; and MakanGuru, who offered to buy me a beer. For every dark clouds there are silver linings.

Sometimes, people disappoint me so much, I think I'm just gonna get a dog instead.
Now, where are the addresses for the dog farms?

Tired.

2005-08-15T05:49:00.000+08:00

These two weeks have been emotional roller coaster ride.

Tired, angry, hurt, and I vow, never to trust anyone again. My ex long time drinking buddy that go married has been right after all. You can trust your friends with secrets, money, and any other things, but with girls, you can never trust.

As he used to tell me, "Do not introduce any of the girls that you are interested to me. And do not introduce your girlfriend to me either. If you are attached, tell me, and show me who she is, so that I will avoid her, and will not pick her up if I see her anywhere else".

Sighs. Brother J, I used to digress and disagree with you on this matter. But you have been right, as usual. You and your many observations, have been right on so many occasions.

Time to concentrate on the career switch and the MBA plans that I have been telling you about.

Dumb Asses part 1,098,066

2005-08-14T09:17:00.000+08:00

Had a call this morning at 5.30am.

"UMB, my office computer is not working,come down now!", the stupid German growled.

"Can you tell me what happened?", I asked.

"I don't know, the computer is not working, the fax is not working, everything is not working, you come down?", he barked.

"Sure, give me 45 mins, will be down there", I answered.

15 minutes later, when I got dressed and called him back, it turned out that he did not turn on the main supply switch. But yet, the e-mail was not working. So, off to the client's office I went.

"The e-mail's fault lies in the US", I told him after troubleshooting the problem.

"No, no, it must be something wrong with the office, you go and check your computers thoroughly", he insisted.

Nah Beh, I hate it when people doubt ability, especially people more stupid than I am, and know less than me. And so, I had to make a show of calling my tech guys up, and checking up all the IT equipment. In the end, I asked him to call the IT support guys in US to check. Turned out that they had a scheduled server upgrade, and e-mail was supposed to be down for the day. And no one was informed.

KNNCCB! Fucking waste of my time. But then again, I get paid to take all this crap. Just so to support my vices.

I think I need to change my line of work. Fast, before stupidity overdose kills my remaining brain cells.

And another person added to the stupidity list.

2005-08-11T14:26:00.000+08:00

First was the dumb indian IT manager who does not even know how to create a user in Windows 2000 Server.

Then, it was his gullible Norwegian boss who believed every lies he spun.

Now, it's the loud ~~growling gorilla~~ gutteral German who cannot articulate himself clearly, and does not even knows what he wants.

Sighs. My tolerance for morons has increased tenfold ever since joining the IT profession.

Cost of LASIK

2005-08-10T11:24:00.000+08:00

Pre-LASIK Consultation for suitability: $179

Standard Zyoptix treatment (with intralase):
1. Right eye (inclusive of refractive test and medicine): $2,318.7
2. Left eye (inclusive of repeat visit): $ 2,337.95

Post-LASIK Consultation:
1. 1st visit: $50.67 inclusive of medicine
2. 2nd visit: $43

Total cost: $4,929.32

Convenience of not worrying about having to remove contact lenses and dry eyes after ~~a good nights shag~~ drinking: Priceless.

Several considerations for LASIK

2005-08-08T11:32:00.000+08:00

Before I went for LASIK, and chose TTSH to go through the operation, there were several considerations that I took note of:

1. Type of hobbies that I will be involved in after the operation

From what I understood, LASIK is not suitable for people involved with high contact sports. I used to do muaythai kickboxing, and chinese martial arts (which involves a lot of breaking bricks, and getting your body smashed with sticks). It was only after I had given up these sports, that I began to even consider the option of LASIK.

2. Alternatives.

Technologies:
Right now, there are alternatives to LASIK. There is Wavefront LASIK,Epi-Lasik, LASEK, and Pseudo Accommodative Cornea (PAC). Technologies are always evolving. And there is a choice between using the mirokeratome or Intralase to create the corneal flap. Research on the internet, it has a wealth of information. Plus, you might want to find out what type of laser machine that each LASIK centres have, and if they are FDA approved.

3. LASIK Centres:

There were a few considerations before I chose TTSH:

In Singapore:

Tan Tock Seng Hospital: The first centre in Singapore to introduce Intralase. Plus at that time, they were the only using it. Intralase is considered a safer procedure and it cuts up less of the cornea to create the flap. This is particularly useful for people with high myopia, as more cornea needs to be cut. The service level there is good. Plus, a colleague recommended me the eye surgeon there. They were the first to bring down the price of LASIK, which prompted other LASIK centres to do the same.

Singapore National Eye Centre: If I am not mistaken, they use LADARvision which was supposedly the first machine to be able to do wavefront. (Correct me if I am wrong). I did not consider them at all, as the machines they used were not advanced; the size of lasers used were not small not enough to even treat a highly myopic person like me.

In Malaysia:

Vista: Vista uses the Bausch & Lomb's Zyoptix 100 as their main LASIK machine. Plus, they were the first to introduce Intralase in the region. At one point in time last year, their machines were the latest, and I was seriously considering them for LASIK. But, a price comparison between them and TTSH were on par. Because they were using the Zyoptix 100, they would be able to treat my high myopia.

Optimax: By far the most popular choice amongst Malaysians/Singaporeans. Stepping into their clinics, they have these folders where they have hundreds of letters written by clients who were impressed by the level of service. Plus, they have several centres in Malaysia, Johor Bahru, Penang, and KL, to mention a few. They offer several options to correcting vision; LASEK and LASIK. But because the LASIK machines that were used to correct the eye were Nidek 5000 and they only offered the microkeratome early this year, they could not treat my myopia. The only recourse is to do LASEK, which I did not want because it is a new procedure (and I thought, unproven). And, the recovery is much longer and troublesome compared to LASIK. Also, they are now introducing Pseudo Accommodative Cornea (PAC).

4. Costs.
I was deliberating between Singapore, Malaysia and Thailand. Thailand is definitely out for me, because it is too far away. Plus, the costs of travelling there, and going back for check up would be very troublesome.

Prices for Vista, and Optimax could be found on their website. They have periodic promotions ( and even tie ups with credit card companies) as compared to the LASIK centres in Singapore, so I would not be putting them up. Bear in mind that their prices are inclusive of follow up consultation. The practice in Singapore is slightly different; if you were to go for the treatment, you only pay for the treatment. Any other follow up consultation is chargeable.

You might also need to factor in hotel stay, transport to KL, if you are doing a cost comparison.

5. Final Words.
In considering which LASIK centre to go to, my main consideration was not cost, but the surgeon and the type of machine used. I would akin this to taking a flight, where the doctor is the pilot, and the type of machines used is the plane.

You will need a combination of an experienced pilot, plus a good plane in order to have smooth and successful flight. Plus, the longer the distance flown (higher myopia), only certain planes can go the distance without needing stopovers.

Well, to those who is thinking of doing LASIK, I would highly recommend it. Happy LASIK shopping!

And another reason why I will never be able to get a gf

2005-08-05T17:06:00.000+08:00

And another reason why ~~girls treat me like an intellectual whore~~ I will never be able to get a gf.

A recent SMS conversation:

Me: So wanna meet for lunch tomorrow?

A: Tomorrow... I'll try go gym see got energy or not.. Eat fat eat fat .. Sigh.

Me: Like that .. i'm fatter fatter fatter, just go blade blade blade

A: Keke .. well the society's tolerance 4 male's girth is much higher than 4 females. U r fine just the way u r :)

Me: With the exception of a girth of a certain man's anatomy, I don't think society is that tolerant either.

A: Er .. the head? :)

Me: Only the head in between the legs, and not in between the shoulders.

A: Aarghh... UMB!

Why?

2005-08-04T13:27:00.000+08:00

Because, there is a beautiful connection, despite the interests disparity.

Because, we could have endless conversation, and not run out of topics.

Because, our dates makes me wanting for more.

Because, you have affected me in ways I thought not possible.

Because, I have not felt this way for a long time.

LASIK Operation

2005-08-04T09:58:00.000+08:00

Entrance
Originally uploaded by urbanmalebitch.

After much research on the LASIK centers available in Singapore and Malaysia, I have decided to stick to Tan Tock Seng Hospital, for two reasons:

1)They have the latest LASIK equipment available, the other being Vista
2)The eye surgeon, Dr. Lee Hong Ming, was highly recommended by an ex colleague.

And so on Thursday, I sat outside TTSH, waiting for my turn to be operated on. You can tell that the center is doing well, from the furnishings. Got even free internet access. Complete with iMacs.

iMac
Originally uploaded by urbanmalebitch.

First stop, to the refraction test room. To test if my eyesight has deteriorated. A sweet and pretty optician tested my eyesight. Which of course, made it harder for me to concentrate on the refractive test. With such pretty optician, how to concentrate? Anyone guy with perfect eyesight also have problem, see letters wait all become figures. Liddat how?

Waited for about half an hour, before I was called in to the operating theatre.

Nurses put a series of anaesthetic eyedrops . The eye doc was brimming with confidence and was all smiles. Too confident in fact, that I felt uneasy. But then again, he has a huge reputation. Waiting queue for other doctors, 2 weeks. For him, it’s at least 1 month.

From the holding area, I saw the sight saviour machines. A million dollar Intralase machine and Bausch & Lomb’s Zyoptix 100.

Operating theatre
Originally uploaded by urbanmalebitch.

A closer shot of the intralase machine.

intralase machine
Originally uploaded by urbanmalebitch.

First my eyelids were plastered wide open. A spring like device was used hold the eyelids apart. A suction device was attached to the eyeball. It created a pressure on the eyeball, somewhat like a mini vacuum cleaner sucking onto a pingpong ball. All while I’m still conscious, seeing it right in from of my eye.

The Intralase machine’s laser was then extended down to the eye. With me fully conscious.

“I am going to create a flap in your cornea now”

“Pressure On”

And I saw a host of octagonal yellow lights lighting up

“Counting down , 50 seconds”

And I still saw the same host of octagonal yellow lights.

“5 more seconds”

And the pressure was still on. I felt nothing at all.

“Pressure Off”

And thus, the cornea was cut to create a flap. Painless.

“There are no bubbles formed during the flap creation. We will now proceed with the LASIK”

The bed shifted, and I am now in full view of the Zyoptix 100 machine. I saw a series of green lights and red lights emitting from the machine.

The doctor then used a device to flip up the flap, and all of a sudden, my vision was blurred.

“Concentrate on the red blinking lights, not the red one. Remember, stay still, and do not talk”

He held my forehead down tightly against the headrest, whilst I gazed intently at the series of red blinking lights.

“The laser is in position now. Phase 1 of operation now begins”

Keeping still, I continued staring at the blinking red lights, as instructed.

“5 more seconds remaining, begin of Phase 2”

The operation was done in 5 phases, and it took only about 40 seconds.

“Congratulations, the operation is successful.”

He flipped back the cut flap. And my vision cleared up instantly. I could see the world around me.

A tiny brush was then used to wipe and seal the flap back in. He then applied some sort of a lotion on the cornea. It was a pretty strange sensation, as you could see him wiping away at your cornea, very much like the petrol station guy wiping the windscreen whilst you are in the driver’s seat.

I had a photo taken during the post check up 20 mins after the operation.

Dr Lee Hong Ming
Originally uploaded by urbanmalebitch.

Vision? I felt like I was in dreamland, with halos surrounding objects. Two days later, after much rest, it improved tremendously. The last time I tested, it was 6/6.

Operation Better Eyesight: The day before.

2005-07-28T00:01:00.000+08:00

Had a chat over lindy hop co-instructor turned very good friend, J
Me: Hey, wanna meet up dinner later?
J: Can't stay up to late though. Why?
Me: Well...wanna take one last look at you before I go for LASIK
J: Awww...
Me: Cause the next time I see you, I might to be mortified.
J: Mortified? What is the meaning of mortified.
Me: It is a stronger word than horrified.
J: IDIOT.

And so, ~~tomorrow~~ this morning at 8.15am, begins my journey into better vision. And convenience.

The ability to see the world clearly when you first open your eyes from a slumber is priceless. The ability to hike/backpack/dive without the inconvenience of contact lenses is priceless. So now it begins, my first baby steps into my planned year long journey to backpack/go on a working tour to Europe, and probably US.

And as I looked out of my window, I prayed for a successful operation. And a perfect 6/6 vision after the operation, though it is not guaranteed.

I'm gonna be so broke...

2005-07-25T21:22:00.000+08:00

Reasons why I'm gonna be eating grass for the next few months:

1. Operation better eyesight. That's LASIK for those who do not know. Damage to wallet: $4,700.

2. Mr. SIA pilot is back from Australia. I can foresee more sheesha and drinking session soon. Damage to wallet: $80+++

3. STOMP is coming to town. 27 Sept 2005 to 2nd Oct 2005. Though I caught it in Birmingham 5 years ago, it's so good, that I had to catch it again. Damage to wallet: $90

4. Klazz Brothers & Cuba Percussion. 12 Sept 2005, Esplanade Theatre. Damage to wallet: $78

5. WOMAD. 27 August. Damage to wallet: $33.

6. Recently got introduced to the UnExpected at Wala's. They were unexpectedly good. I think I am getting my first addiction to Shirlyn's voice. Damage to wallet: $30++ per week.

Sighs... time to whore my IT services to a better paying ~~pimp~~ job.

School Stereotype

2005-07-25T20:57:00.000+08:00

Courtesy of tomorrow.sg, I came across this blog. With it's first hilarious entry stereotyping SCGS girls, I am looking forward to more entries.

Excerpt:

The rest of their entry could be found here.

BloggersCON 2005

2005-07-17T00:50:00.000+08:00

The day before the Blogger's con, I had a conversation with Cowboy,

Cowboy Caleb: tmrw going hor
Urban Male Bitch: yes, just to organise spot the cowboy competition
Cowboy Caleb: heh you'll never spot me
Urban Male Bitch: why so shy?
Cowboy Caleb: batman what, you haven't watch yet issit?
Urban Male Bitch: no
Cowboy Caleb: fucking A. go watch
Urban Male Bitch: Yeah, ur a batman, forever in a rubber suit
Cowboy Caleb: hehhe
Cowboy Caleb: tomorrow hor
Cowboy Caleb: if you want to spot me
Cowboy Caleb: try to imagine that women can be cowboys too

And so the challenge has been set, to go Spot the Cowboy.

Arrived late on that day because of LHE training. 3 hours of constant aerials, flipping and carrying dance partners does wonders to deplete your energy level. I was zombified. But the BloggersCON was a blast. To meet the face behind the online personas.

And so it was, on Saturday, the Hunt For Cowboy Caleb began, during the talk on law and blogging. Armed with a description of Cowboy (Round face, floppy fringe and thick eyebrowns) the barflies buzzed up and down the first and second floor, to the last rumoured spot of Cowboy.

I spotted (with confirmation from some other barflies) him, and went up to say Hi. Now, it's bloggers honours not to reveal an anonymous blogger, but the barflies honour is even bigger, to go get the rest of the barflies to ~~traumatize~~ spot da ~~Robert Govindasamy~~ Cowboy. SassyJan even had a photo with da Cowboy. I really felt like a National Geographic photographer, going into Africa to hunt the elusived shy wildlife.

Oh ya, nice try in denying that ur Caleb, especially the thisismygame.blogspot.com URL.

I swear it must be the working legs that gave the game away.

Working Legs

At the BloggersCON, I have finally got to meet the faces behind the blogs. And it was not a CON. After all, the cheo bus look very much as cheo in person as in their blog. And the funny and loud bloggers are just as funny and loud in person.

There were few exceptions:

Mr. Miyagi is short. But short is cute (At least that is what the girls said)
Big fuck is short. But short is funny. Especially his irc comments when the lawyer was talking.

The party really started with the Post Event.

We had free flow of whiskeys, me being one of the contributing factors to running DXO dry of whiskey. I counted at least 10 glasses of whiskey on the rocks being guzzled down.

I met SPG, and she was petite. Kinda reminded me of a secondary school girl. I felt paedophaelic talking to her. We had an interesting brief discussion on religion. Must be the whiskey that caused it.

After which, the barflies then proceeded to Attica to club. All I can say is, the barflies really know how to party.

Spot the Cowboy Contest.

2005-07-12T22:41:00.000+08:00

In conjunction with the Singapore Blogger's Conference, a "Spot the elusive Cowboy Caleb Contest" will be held.

The following rules apply:

1. Friends/acquantainces of Cowboy Caleb are disqualified from taking part.

2. Once you spot who you think Cowboy Caleb is, take a photo with him. Use of digital camera will be required. You can then upload the photo to the notebook stations situated at the sign in booth. Note that even if you spot the right Cowboy, he/she/it might deny it, or pretend to be some other bloggers.

3. In the event that the right photos are submitted by two or more person, the person who submits the earlier entry would be declared the winner.

4. You can use the following clue below to spot the ~~Robert~~ Cowboy Caleb:

Prizes:

1. 1 iPOD mini

2. $30 Starbucks voucher.

3. Memoirs of Miyagi and Cowboy Caleb - Using Meme to discover more blogger babes (Sexyblogger Meme)and tight cute butts (All your legs are belong to Zeus Meme).

For entry forms, please send an e-mail to ihavebeenfooled@suckered.com

London Bombing

2005-07-07T23:45:00.000+08:00

I was first alerted to the London bombing about at 8.30pm by the one that mattered most via SMS.

Ex: 6 explosions in london today. It's terrible the world we live in

Me: And this coming just after it was announced that london will be hosting the 2012 olympic games... You think there is a connection between the both of them?

Ex: The Olympic thing was announced yesterday. The explosion was this morning. They say they timed it in correlation with the g8 summit.

I have some friends there in London. I pray and hope that they are safe and sound. So far, family members in London is safe.

Babe Magnet

2005-07-06T15:05:00.000+08:00

I was at East Coast last Sunday, when I realised the reason guys walk their dogs in East Coast.

Dogs are such babe magnets.

To attract babes;

1. Get a cute dog. A really cute and horny dog, that will get all excited at other ~~bitches~~ dogs. Let their leash loose when you see a babe walkin her dog, and allow your dog to get just next to the other dog. Before he starts smelling the other dogs butt, grab him and apologize profusely for the dogs behaviour. Make use of the situation to introduce yourself and follow up from there.

2. Get a good looking handsome dog. It seems to me that girls always fall for those golden retrievers. Either that or a really cute dog and ~~torture it by dressing it up in those little dog shirts and shoes~~ dress it up. Chances are, a lot of babes will start to stop and pet at your dog. Follow up with a conversation.

LASIK Postponed

2005-06-30T12:31:00.000+08:00

So it was, a day before the LASIK operation, the hospital called to say that the Intrase machine was spoilt. Alternatively, I could use the microkeratome, which is $1,000 cheaper, but Intralase has less risk. Being the kiasi me, I opted to wait for another one to two weeks whilst the machine is being repaired.

Operation Better-Vision-at-a-cost-of-$4,700 postponed by another week or two.

Nah Beh, I'm just not meant to go for the operation.

Sucker for all things afro.

2005-06-26T23:16:00.000+08:00

Yes, I think I am a sucker for all thing afro.

First it was Lindy Hop, an Afro American dance.

Then it was salsa, an Afro Cuban dance.

And now, it's gonna be capoeira, an Afro Brazilian martial art dance.

I'm a geek, so date me.

2005-06-25T08:57:00.000+08:00

So being a geek is in now.

And a geek makes better a lover, or at least so this article proclaims.

So date me. =)

Excerpt:

The reasons why geeks are unparalleled as lovers are simple and many:

Geeks don't sleep around. Geeks, through their higher IQ and therefore greater understanding of the tragedy of human condition, know that the grass only seems greener on the other side of the fence. Hence, they instinctively stay loyal to their lovers through thick and thin. Their social skills are also not well developed enough to support an affair, and frankly, geeks generally aren't quite sure how they ended up with the lover they have attracted. When you date a geek, you know the geek will be yours until you are done.

Geeks are good at the things they try. When's the last time you met a geek who didn't have some secret skill just simmering below the surface of their lives, honed in the wee hours of the night? It could be hacking, playing video games, or the ability to insert and remove those stupid computer power plug things from drives without cursing or breaking a finger. Let sex become their new favorite late-night hobby, and you know that a geek won't quit until he or she has learned how to hack into your brainstem through specific genitalia interfacing in parallel with general dermal and oral bonding.

Geeks are not interested in status. Geeks became geeks because they chose to spend their time doing things that would not necessarily make them popular with everyone else in school, like sports and fashion. The ability to resist peer pressure is important to a geek. This means that a geek is more interested in their or your happiness than looking good to others, which is an important trait in a relationship.

Geeks haven't formed bad habits. After years of dating other women, many socially successful guys have become too confident to be intimate, think of women only for sex, and don't have any intention of letting what in their minds is "just another girlfriend" enjoy the last spring roll. Let us not even pry into the diabolical, dark, twisted, and depraved mind of the girl who has dated many men. None of this is true of the geek, however. The lack of past romantic partners allows the geek to approach lovers with the zest of the neophyte. Geeks are not full of romantic confidence; however, once coaxed from their emotional holes like tame bunnies, they are eager to please and enjoy their newfound relationship.

Geeks can concentrate. Geeks can focus their energy on one task with the intensity of a hunting cheetah. Granted, the task they are focussing on may have more to do with hunting orcs with 12-sided dice rather than hunting gazelles with claws, but the fact remains that a geek, once set upon a task and given Mountain Dew, becomes a tireless slave to their goal. Put a six-pack of Dew on the bedside table and a geek between the sheets, and you have found yourself one relentless lover.

Geeks have excellent finger dexterity. Geeks roll dice. Geeks play video games. Geeks flip pages in books. Geeks type a lot, and use characters like ~ and ^ and | that no one else has any use for. Geeks use calculators and personal digital assistants. The sum total of this is that a geek knows how to use his or her fingers to greatest possible effect. Whether you have a button that needs pushing or a joystick that needs joy, a geek is the person for the job.

Geeks have imagination Once you have found your amazing lover, you wouldn't want things to become boring. That is where geeks prove their worth. Replayability is important to the value-conscious video-game playing geek, and this translates to relationships as well. Wouldn't you want to date someone who has created a Quake 3 mod? Wouldn't you want to date someone who has written steamy Everquest fan fiction involving elven incest? Wouldn't you want to date someone who wished they were Morpheus rather than someone who wished they were Barry Bonds?

There are plenty of other reasons why geeks are the best lovers around, but don't just take my word for it. Find the nearest sexy geek and coax that person into asking you out, even if you have to do so using instant messanger. Remember: the only non-sexy geek is a single geek.

Support call.

2005-06-22T03:39:00.000+08:00

In my present job, I have a duty every alternate week to mend the support phone line, which is switched on 24 x 7. This phone is routed to my handphone.

And I just got woken up by a wrong call made to the support phone.

It's 3:43 am now, and I am having difficulty sleeping again. 0_0.

Time for a glass of Macallan.

A father's duty

2005-06-19T23:45:00.000+08:00

And I remembered my last promise to my dad on his deathbed. To take care of the family and bring up my then 9 year old younger brother.

It has been a long 9 years. Dealing with his teenage angst. Cutting short my student life to support and be less of a burden to my family. Struggling to be the emotional pillar of the family.

Of sacrificing the one that mattered most to fulfill the promise. The bitterness of the sacrifice that had to be made.

But today, when I talked to my younger brother, the promise has been fulfilled. He has grown and matured. And I have imparted the same one important lesson that my dad had passed down to me. Summarised in two words.

No regrets.

Look not to the past, but to the future.

My duty has been fulfilled.

Wherever you may be, dad, happy father's day.

Paya Lebar Airbase Runway Cycling event

2005-06-19T13:45:00.001+08:00

As part of operation reduce flab,I went with ex-co-lindy-instructor-turned-friend and Y to the National Runway Cycling and Skate event at Paya Lebar Airbase.

The event started off with a slight gloomy weather. After a few minutes of skating, there was a slight rainpour. Even the weather are against me losing weight.

Long way ahead

Well...at least I caught the rainbow after the rain.

Rainbow

The route was 15km long, half of my normal weekly skating session in East Coast. Easily in under an hour. The organisers roped in Bowen Secondary Marching Band for a short performance, which reminded me of my secondary school days. I must be getting old reminiscing times like these.

Bowen Sec Band

I was busy snapping candid photos away of my two skating kakis, when Y asked "Hey, can you send me the photos that you took?"

"Sure," I replied.

"Please do not post our photos up on the blog,"ex-co-lindy-instructor-turned-friend pleaded.

"Why?," I asked.

"Because your blog is quite tiko. I don't mind if Y posts the pictures on her blog," she replied without thinking.

Well done ... so now I have a reputation of having a tiko blog. Maybe I should point her in the direction of sggirls.com. But then again, maybe not.

I'm flabbergasted.

CommunicAsia 2005.

2005-06-17T21:03:00.000+08:00

This year's Communique Asia saw Sony cashing on the Star Wars craze:

Darth Vader
Got no force to communicate? Use Sony Ericsson instead.

Storm Trooper

The Storm Trooper got stormed by the photo taking mobs.

Motorola hired a huge bunch of professional looking models. They had a daily catwalk show.

Models for Motorola
Slim handphones requires slim models

An exhibition piece with another model, this time by LG. This is the only time you can take photos of cheo bus blatantly without being accused of being a chee ko pek.

Models for LG
Say cheese for the chee ko peks.

Eureka!

2005-06-16T23:10:00.000+08:00

After a few days of reflection, I finally saw light. The explanation was so simple. It was a simple misunderstanding.

Looking at it from a third perspective, it was so silly. I should have seen it coming.

Girls, are after all, girls.

Despite her tom boyish and loud behaviour, and the fact that I treated her like a drinking buddy, she was after all, a girl.

Despite the fact that she has many buddy guy friends, and I treated her as the chick with a metaphorical dick, and we laughed about it, she was after all, a girl.

Despite the fact that she figured out my liking for another, and joked about starting a match making consultancy, she was after all, a girl.

And a girl would feel uncomfortable even if we arranged to meet up with my group of friends that sometimes do not turn up, and we ended up alone. A guy wouldn't.

And a girl would feel uncomfortable meeting up for lunch often even though it's because her office is just next to mine. A guy wouldn't.

I should have seen it coming, when invited to go to a dive trip with her group of dive friends. I should not have accepted it.

I should have seen it coming, after the dive trip, she refused to meet up for lunch during work days, citing her busy schedule. And being a goofus who takes answers at face value, I believed her.

And now word has gotten round, that I asked her out with some friends, and on several occasions, my friends fly aeroplane , leaving just me and her alone. And that made her uncomfortable. Even though the truth is, most of the time, it's me, her, and her jazz enthusiast sister. And she showed no signs of feeling uncomfortable.

And now word has gotten round, that I promised to introduce her to more friends, on these outings, but have not done so. But the truth is, I wanted to introduce her jazz enthusiast sister to another jazz trumpeter who jams on weekends.

And now it seemed like I'm one big buaya going after two girls concurrently, when in actual fact, I have not even made (or plan to make) any move yet.

And yet, when word got round, and I asked to clarify matters with her, knowing how words could get twisted from person to person, she refused. Asking me to SMS her instead. Even though I could just pop by after work to speak for a few minutes.

This kind of clarification, how do you expect me to SMS?

Nah beh. I'm just gonna let them think what they wanna think. No use explaining.

Time for a few shot whiskeys before going to dreamland.

Why I read blogs.

2005-06-15T09:06:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, when you're feeling down in the dumps, some blogs will wander along that will lighten your day, and let you have a good laugh. And today, it was Kenny Sia's article on the Sarong Party Girl controversy. (Incidentally, I do not think that it was such a controversy. Poor girl got ~~exploited~~ featured across the chinese gossip newspaper, what's the name of the paper again? Lian He Zao Bao?)

Excerpt:

Look we're not talking about a 60-year-old ah pek flashing his wrinkly virtual kuku-chiaw on his blog here ok. We're talking about a sweet 19-year-old girl baring her equally sweet pair of papayas on her blog.

Gee thanks for treating a woman's naked body like tits its the most disgusting thing on Earth. Pretend feminism never happened. Obscenity laws my arse.

Obscenity laws? I'll teach you obscenity laws!

Oh by the way Kenny, nice red boxers. =)

On Friendships

2005-06-14T00:01:00.000+08:00

"You can't expect all friends to be truthful and tell you straight in your face what they actually feel about you. Your bad traits, and what they are unhappy with, like the LHE," platonic gal friend told me over beer.

"Maybe so, but that's the basis of a friendship; to be truthful if you feel slighted, and honest about your feelings, no matter how bad. That is why until today, I am still so dedicated to the LHE performing group. Their truthfulness, and sincerity in their friendships," I said.

And it suddenly hit me; that being able to see and find out the truth in the situation, to clarify any misunderstandings and clear things out in a level headed way are true qualities of any friendship. And these are hard to come by. And now I know what the jazz guru meant when we were discussing on the topic of seeking truth.

To all those who had been honest and sincere with me, thank you, I really appreciate that gesture.

Tired.

2005-06-13T18:22:00.000+08:00

Hell hath no fury like a woman, or rather, several woman scorned.

I have seen it happen to my friends. And now it is happening to me.

I am tired. Very tired. Tired of not knowing what hit me, or second guessing what is happening around me. Even friends whom I treat or thought were drinking buddies.

I'm gonna have a beer and just forget about the whole episode. Let them think what they all want to think.

From now on, when I arrange a get together with friends, and some friends backs out halfway, and I am left stranded alone with just another girl, I will cancel and not go for the whole damn outing, just to avoid any misunderstanding anymore.

Life at work dealing with politics is stressful as it is, I don't need all this.

I've got a Cowboy Personality

2005-06-11T19:08:00.000+08:00

And so I followed in Finicky Feline's footsteps and took Kenny Sia's test. I've got the personality of ~~Leisure Suit Larry of Singapore~~ Cowboy Caleb.

Congratulations Urban Male Bitch, you are...

Cowboy Caleb of cowboycaleb.liquidblade.com

You are smart, loyal and sensitive. You are also very caring towards other people and you help them out whenever you can. You are very passionate about your line of work. You fight for your beliefs and if someone doesn't agree with you, you argue your point of view across in a very convincing yet diplomatic manner. For that, you earn respect.

Which Singaporean Blogger Are You?

The Cowboy + tomorrow.sg Effect

2005-06-11T17:32:00.000+08:00

It never fails to amaze me the amount of hits I get from being Caleb ed and tomorrowed.

From a measly 40+ hits per day to 1000+ hits!

The Cowboy Effect
Originally uploaded by urbanmalebitch.

Sarong Party Girl Un-saronged.

2005-06-09T23:24:00.000+08:00

One of my weekly blog reads is Sarong Party Girl.

I have morbid fascination with her bare all and tell all blog posts.

Her post about preferring white dicks, up to today, still tickles me.

Today, she ~~made my day~~ she outdid herself and posted one of her nude shots, which I would say, for a Singaporean is very daring.

I am sure if she had advertised for an online date, the response will be overhumping..er.. i mean overwhelming.

Photo from her blog.

Technical Tango

2005-05-28T18:19:00.000+08:00

I was having a conversation with Salsa Prince and gf, and another talented dancer yesterday during supper at Lau Pa Sat.

They were gushing about tango:

Salsa Prince: The music is just so passionate.

Salsa Prince Gf: It is a passionate dance. I am beginning to like the dance more than salsa. Salsa is beginning to be so boring, with the straight LA style.

Talented dancer: Yeah, and the intensity it, if you can really get to the essence of tango music.

Me: Went for taster classes once, I can't seem to keep a straight and serious face. Half the effort of dancing the tango is to prevent myself from laughing out loud at the seriousness of the dancers.

And so, they continued talking about tango..yada ...yada..yada... and I was day dreaming (at night... heh) about my next dive trip until they mentioned the technical intricacies of dancing tango.

Talented dancer: There is just so much intricacies in dancing tango.

My ears pricked. And I raised an eyebrow.

Talented dancer: Because of the fact that the hold is very close, the lead has to be more subtle in leading the girl. The frame of the follower and the lead has to be firm.

Oh no. I can feel my interest stirring. I am NOT going to pick up another hobby. I have too much to do already.

Talented dancer: Though it does not have lots of intricate spin, the movements across the dance floor itself has a lof mechanics in it. It is a challenging dance.

The trap has been set. Help.

Talented dancer: This is further complicated by the fact that tango music does not have percussive beats in it, and as such, the counts are much harder to catch. You have to 'feel' the music and dance to the emotion of the music, using that as your rhythm.

And I have been caught, like a helpless prey to sign up for tango classes.

Damn. I love a challenge. Argentine tango, anyone?

Post note:

According to Salsa Prince, tango used to be a prostitute dance back in Cuba. As such, the music, and dance are usually filled with sadness, jealousy and emotions. The mafia used to visit these dens, and dance with the prostitutes. In tango, the backs of the guys normally face the wall, and they dance counterclockwise, as killings and back stabbings could take place within the mafia gangs whilst dancing.

Woo hoo...if I take up the class, will I be the mafia? Or maybe the local version. Ah Seng does tango! Heh...

Tripleperiod fulfills his original blogging aims.

2005-05-28T10:43:00.000+08:00

Mr. Tripleperiod phoned and told me excitedly: "Hey, yesterday at Hideout was happening man... and I have fans!. Also, I got so many applications for my gf advert!"

G also commented on Mr. Tripleperiod's latest blog: "His latest advert was ingenious!".

This, coming from G (and friends as well) who used to ~~complain~~ comment that he has very luo soh blogs.

Being the guy that introduced him to blogging, and blogs like xiaxue and sarong party girl, I am surprised to see his confessions of his original intention on his blog. *grin*. I can vouch for it, it's all TRUE!!! ... heh....

I was glad that he started blogging, as now me and my friends have a clearer picture of who he is.

He is not a poseur as what our group of friends thought he was; we came to the conclusion that he is just a misunderstood SNAG!

So ~~guys and~~ girls, if any of you out there are looking to snag a SNAG, (pardon the pun), Mr. Tripleperiod here is the guy for you! I think applications are still open to them, right, Trippy? Unfortunately, chicks with dicks need not apply, as he has just gone through LASIK, and he has sharper vision now.

Pissed

2005-05-26T00:56:00.000+08:00

Pissed by her cold and distant attitude towards me.

And her moody quiet demeanours.

But yet, it gives me great joy to watch her dance, to see an expression transformation to a happy and joyful salsera.

Star Wars: Revenge of the Shit.

2005-05-16T21:14:00.000+08:00

Kenny Sia has a very funny post about his sentiments about Star Wars, and people who cannot pronounce it properly. Excerpt:

Another thing I can't stand is the radio stations promoting the new Star Wars movie. I always have a beef with Chinese radio station presenters not able to pronounce simple English words. In particular there's this dimwit radio host working for Ai FM who can't even announce the website address of his station properly. Its really wanita dot net slash radio5, but that idiot keep on pronouncing it wanita dot NEST slash radio5! Its a wonder he still kept his job after so long.
For a guy who pronounces 'f' as 'p', 'z' as 'j' and 'th' as 't', I thought it is only a matter of time before the stupid radio host screw up and pronounce "Revenge of the Sith" as "Revenge of the SHIT" instead.
But nooooooo, that idiot did even better than that. He called it Star Wars Episode III... Revenge of the SIKH!

An Ah Pek and a schoolgirl.

2005-05-14T08:47:00.000+08:00

I was having coffee after lunch with salsa student turned drinking buddy on Friday afternoon, and this was how the conversation went ....

Me: So, what were your first impression of me teaching the first time? Your sis seems to think that I am a goody two shoes person. Prim and proper. Which of course, she realised otherwise. An angel at first sight, a devil in disguise. Heh, with all my vices.

Drinking buddy: When I first saw the you guys, thought that you and CF had made your fortune and already, and was retiring and teaching this for fun.

Me : (almost choking on my coffee) What??!!!!

Drinking buddy: Then , on the second lesson, when I heard the CF was studying in SIM, and I was like ...hmmmm.... an older man in his mid 30s with a much much younger girl ...

Me: (chokes, and coughs in disbelief)

Drinking buddy: But now, I know that you are not so old, CF is just a teaching partner, and without that thick glasses you look much younger. It's the glasses bah.

What da heow!!!?? Time to start getting rid of the beer belly, go for a wardrobe change, and wear contact lenses more often liaoz.

Though it's not difficult imagining myself to be sitting down in the coffeeshop, dressed in singlet and shorts, ABC stout in one hand, picking my nose with the other, watching soccer, and ogling beer aunties during the commercial breaks. Shudders.

A new found drinking buddy

2005-05-10T21:14:00.000+08:00

She is loud. She is noisy. She is the first dance student that I taught who joked about the leads (guys) in the dance, telling me that she wants a different lead as that one is no good. And she is the first dance student that threatened to turn the intermediates class upside down. Yes, she's a terror indeed. She cracks me up with all her silly comments.

She can drink very well. And she can outdrink all my other guy friends, and that includes you, Mr. Tripleperiod. She can guzzle beer down like water, and she knows that whiskys like Macallan, Bowmore and Glenfiddich should be drank neat, or on the rocks. Not mixed with coke. You only do that with Jim Bean. Or Jack Daniels.

She's the new ~~chick~~ drinking buddy on the block. Looks like my liver gotta start working again. It has remained dormant ever since my previous whisky sipping beer guzzling drinking buddy got married and migrated to Canada.

LASIK appointment at TTSH

2005-05-10T10:44:00.000+08:00

You know that the LASIK centre at Tan Tock Seng Hospital is making a lot of money, when they have a separate clinic and waiting area furnished with plush leather sofa seats.

You know that the LASIK centre at Tan Tock Seng Hospital is making a lot of money, when more than half of the nurses/staff are cheo bus. Not the ah lian cheo type, but the girl next door type.

You know that the LASIK centre at Tan Tock Seng Hospital is making a lot of money, when they provide patients with two Apple iMacs and free internet access whilst they wait for your appointment. And I am now blogging from one of these stations.

You know that the LASIK centre at Tan Tock Seng Hospital is making a lot of money, when they have all these huge posters of newspaper articles about LASIK surgery.

Now I know where part of my $4,000 fees for LASIK goes to.

To my dear friend

2005-05-08T02:07:00.000+08:00

I have a friend whom I have a soft spot for; she has been out of sorts lately and today, she seemed to be in the dumps . I have tried probing to help or lend a listening ear, but to no avail. It worries me to see her in such a condition.

Cheer up my dear friend and do not be so sad;
Situation might be gloomy and things might seem bad;
Take things easy, don't be afraid of this rough ride;
For you're not alone, you have friends by your side.

CF's display nick

2005-05-04T23:54:00.000+08:00

My beautiful, sexy but extremely~~fussy~~ selective friend had this as her MSN nick:
...Because women realize that it's not worth buying the entire pig, just to get a little sausage.

Sighs. I think all those attention from guys that she has been getting has turned her into man hater.

The jazz trio from London

2005-05-04T10:33:00.000+08:00

It has been a hectic week, with a new job, teaching a wedding couple their wedding dance, and some catching up with friends.

I caught the trio of jazz musicians from London last thursday; Damon Brown, Greg Lyons, and Lewis Pragasum. Was particularly impressed by Damon Brown on the flugel horn; especially the horn's tonality whilst running through the notes. It's not easy doing that. Lewis Pragasum was good too, fusing some bhangra beats to the drum solos. Very technically competent, the ease of which he does it amazes me. If he was stationed here, would have taken lessons from him.

The acoustics at Jazz@Southbridge was good, and it has a very cosy environment. Definitely a place to chill out to.

Why did the chicken cross the road: Part 2.

2005-04-25T00:12:00.000+08:00

In view of the recent 'infantile' post written by Steve ~~McChicken~~ McDermott, I'd thought try to emulate Mr. ~~Edinbloodybugger's~~ Singabloodypore's take on 'Why did the chicken cross the road'.

Steve McDermott: The chicken crossed the road because there was no freedom of expression on it's side of the road. Right on the other side of the road, there are more freedom of expression, and more chickens with higher thinking level.

About Steve McDermott; Mr Steven E. McDermott BA (Hons.)(QUB,UK),MA(Warwick,UK). Was a Senior Lecturer in Sociology, Diploma in Economics and Bachelor of Science programmes.

He lectured in Sociology for 3 years in Singapore on the University of London external degree programme. Also lectured on Northumbria University's Masters programme, on Research Methods and Methodology, (HR844).

And finally, here's my take on why did the McChicken cross the road:

UrbanMalebitch: The chicken crossed the road to get to the other side to be a ~~lecherer~~ lecturer in a private school on a University of London course. After having crossed the road, the chicken concluded:

1. That Singapore students aren't bright and do not have critical thinking skills based on the chicken's teaching experience, although the school is not a representative of Singapore's universities (NTU and NUS) .

Hmmm... one of my English lecturers comes in to lecture whilst reeking of alcohol whilst the other just talks rubbish, does that mean that all English lecturers are alcoholics and are full of rubbish?

2. That because some popular Singapore bloggers like MrBrown jokes around, pulls silly faces, and does not write seriously, that Singaporeans are infantile. Nevermind that the Singapore National Education series are satirical in nature. Or some articles or pictures are just parodies.

Maybe the arts trained chicken forgot that George Orwell's 'Animal Farm' is also a satire. Can't blame the chicken for being forgetful; while studying there, I found most of them to be so forgetful, they even forget to close their legs. Explains the number of single mothers there.

3. That the caning laws are ridiculous and repressive, although it has been effective in dealing with vandals and paedophiles. Oh yah, better to have vandals tearing out public seats, vandalising on walls and paedophiles lurking around every corner of the street than to spare their asses from the cane.

4. That freedom of expression articles means publishing and researching one sided view articles that critique a country negatively; Is that how Research Methods and Methodology, (HR844) should be taught? Not a balanced research, but a one sided research. Wow.

I must be infantile, answering questions as to 'Why did the chicken cross the road?'.

Farewell SMS

2005-04-17T16:59:00.000+08:00

My colleague (or ex-colleague) send this SMS:

Have fun in your next job. Send me your personal e-mail so that we can keep in touch. May your next successor to swear as well as you do.

What da heow? ... I know I am vulgar and such, but did not know that my reputation has preceeded me in the use of vulgarities.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

2005-04-14T00:40:00.000+08:00

For today's post, I'd thought I would try to emulate the writing style and content of the some of the blogs that I have been ~~spying~~ ~~stalking~~ reading on, by answering the age old question, "Why did the chicken cross the road?".

Qn: Why did the chicken cross the road?

littlemissdrinkalot: To get to the bottle of Macallan on the other side of the road.

KnightofPentacles: Cause the grass is greener on the other side

Mr. Miyagi: Surf stop. Hot chick crosses the road.

b4421434

Phroar! This linky stuff is good!

SillyCelly: SIAO Bor! Chick klosses the load for what? Go ask Aunty Celly for advice lah. Muahahahaa.... *exams driving me nuts as u can see.. I get sickly creative though.. No?*

LimBueyTor: The chick crosses the road. The chick wants to get to the other side to meet more chicks The chicks are hot. The chick that crossed the road is one hot babe maaaannnn.....

HotChix: Across the road is where all the beautiful sistas gather.. to share, to listen, to eavesdrop, to ogle, to frolick, to love..

Biatch: Steady poon pee pee..
across the road got alcohol and then a quickie ~~can~~ or not?

CowboyCaleb: Cause across the road there are many chicks waiting to get laid. What am I saying, I am staying monogamous now. I think I need a cold shower.

Mr. Brown: In today's Singapore National Education, I learned that the "chicken crossed the road" does not have the same ring as the "hot chick cross the road". Maybe I'm not hip enough. Listen to our next browncast as Mr. Miyagi and me discuss about the ways the chicken can cross the road.

I also learned that Singaporeans should try very hard not to knock down foreign talent, even if the local driver had right of way, and the ang moh pedestrian disregarded traffic rules and ran across a traffic junction.

It can cost you 2 million dollars.

Remember, it's not the Red Man, Green Man, but the White Man you need to look out for.

Alcoholism Test

2005-04-12T00:50:00.000+08:00

Taken from a link of maotai's blog..., I was drinking Glenfiddich on the rocks whilst taking the quiz...and here's the result...

Bourbon
Congratulations! You're 125 proof, with specific scores in beer (80) , wine (116), and liquor (60).

Screw all that namby-pamby chick stuff, you're going straight for the bottle and a shot glass! It'll take more than a few shots of Wild Turkey or 99 Bananas before you start seeing pink elephants. You know how to handle your alcohol, and yourself at parties.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 37% on proof

You scored higher than 88% on beer index

You scored higher than 97% on wine index

You scored higher than 83% on liquor index

Link: The Alcohol Knowledge Test written by hoppersplit on Ok Cupid

2005-04-10T23:10:00.000+08:00

I have decided to teach that Indian IT Manager a few hokkien profanities.

For starters, the term Nah Beh means ok.
And the term, Chee Bye, means good.

I can imagine the conversation to go like this:

Indian IT Manager: Hey, I need your documentation to be detailed, and simple to read so that anyone who does not know IT can just pick it up and know what to do. He will also know the blueprint of the entire IT architecture. And by looking at the documentation, will know how to implement the entire IT infrastructure

Me: Nah Beh

Indian IT Manager: Ya, I think it's a good idea so that we can save money on hiring skilled IT workers.

Me: Why, that's the most Chee Bye idea I have ever heard.

Indian IT Manager: So, I can see the updated documentation by tomorrow?

Me: Nah Beh

Now, since I'm leaving anyway, by the time he finds out the actual meaning of the word, I will be long gone. Heh. Evil plan starts tomorrow.

A hedonistic weekend: Day 2

2005-04-09T11:04:00.000+08:00

The day started off with me taking a dump. No, make it a huge dump. A few huge dumps, actually. I think my stomach could not get used to the water, and the chilli. G, Million Theory Man, Tripleperiod and me had the hotel’s breakfast, which pretty much consisted of eggs, sausages and coffee.

With Tripleperiod’s dischevelled ‘after fuck messy hair’ look, G and I suspected that Million Theory Man and Tripleperiod had, how should I put it, an active night. Especially since they were moved from a room with two single beds to a room with a double bed, due to aircon failure. Before anyone doubts their sexuality, both of them are NOT homosexual. They love members of the opposite sex more than anything else. Probably spent the whole night wrestling for more estate space on the bed.

Hotel Bed shared by Tripleperiod and Million Theory Man

The day’s itenary was to visit the temples. After all, this was the main purpose of the trip. G and Million Theory man, to give thanks to the gods for their blossoming careers, and Tripleperiod, to thank the gods for his successful LASIK eye operation. First stop was the 4 faced Buddha at the corner of Grand Hyatt Hotel

4 faced buddha shrine

The Thai Buddhists do have an interesting variation of praying. You can pay a certain amount of money to the Temple, and they will have dancers and musicians performing while you pray to the 4 faced Buddha. Note the three dancers and musicians in the background whilst the three devotees are praying.

Praying in temples

Dance Rates

Selling Sparrows

If there is one thing to describe Bangkok, it’s FREAKIN’ BLOODY HOT! The weather is hot, the food is hot (spicy), and the cheo bus are also hot. We sauntered down to World Trade Centre, and the following sign caught my eye.

Gaysorn

Why would anyone want to name their store Gaysorn, eludes me. Perhaps they misspelled the ‘p’ with an ‘s’. So there we have it, in the middle of ~~thunder~~ Thighland, you can find GaysPorn and BangCock

The sweltering heat was perfect for Swensens.

Chocolate Fondue

After the sinful lunch, we visited another temple. It was pretty interesting to see the architecture of the building, and the way the Thais worship. The religion, Buddhism, is essential the same, but with a different accent.

And we walked out to Khao San Road, a backpacker’s haven. This is where most poor budget ang moh’s congregrate. And to take buses out to coastal areas for dive trips. Should take note of this place in case I wanna go diving later.

Khao San

We then moved on to our last stop, the City Pillar Shrine. It’s a popular shrine, with a lot of people praying.

City Pillar Shrine

With so much praying, I guess all 3 of them are not only giving thanks, but atoning for their planned ~~sins~~ adventures for that night. Me, I am beyond hope already. No amount of praying will ever save my poor soul from all the vices (drinking especially) and sins that I have committed.

We then headed down to Ratchada to do some bird watching.

The group split up from there, and me, G, and another acquantaince that we met up with went to Sukhumvit Road to check out the salsa scene in Bangkok. Sad to say, it’s almost non existent. Or maybe Saturday night at Club Rueda just isn’t the right night for salsa. Went for dinner, which we over ordered and over ate. With Tripleperiod leading the way, we met up at Cowboy ~~Caleb’s Bar~~ Soi, a raunchy joint with agogo bars.

To be continued…

Blogger's dilemma

2005-04-09T01:05:00.000+08:00

You know that you have to start moderating yourself, or blog as another person when friends of friends starts to recognize ur blog, or starts asking u not to blog about them.

Today I met sf's friend,S, who happened to read my blog.

S: Aren't you the one who has a blog by the name of UrbanMaleBitch?

Me: Yah

S: Haha...it's so funny. You seem so decent and nice in person...but ur blog, with all those strike out... and talk about sex....

Me:Hmm...are you surprised?

S: Actually no, cause all guys do think about sex.

Me: :
Bingo! You got that right. All guys think about sex. Either that, or they are bluffing. We guys can all be summed up with just a simple basic computer program:

10 think of sex
20 go to 10

Later on, Cheeky Chops had an accident on the dance floor, and her toe nail chipped backwards. After helping her bandage her toes;

Cheeky Chops: I am damn suay, this is the second time this happened to my toes. Just when it is growing nicely.

Me: Oh? You have accidents before?

Cheeky Chops: Yeah. I'm always very clumsy. Most of the time, my toes are the one that gets injured.

Me: Ok, I think I shall go buy 4D for today, maybe will strike.

Cheeky Chops: Ya, you should.

Me: Hmm....maybe it's karma. Maybe in your previous life ... you had a fetish for other people's toes.

Cheeky Chops: Hahaha... wait a minute...ur not gonna blog this

Me: Actually, it has never crossed my mind, but thanks for giving me the idea anyway...

There were other funny/embarassing/controversial incidents over the past few weeks, but my friends had managed to threaten/wrangle a verbal agreement not to blog about it from me.

Time to start blogging as another persona.

Increasing my tolerance for stupidity.

2005-04-08T17:54:00.000+08:00

After working and talking to that Indian IT manager, I can feel myself getting numb working with such blur fucks.

I don't who I feel sorry for more, the Indian IT manager, or the directors that hired him.

Cowboy Power

2005-04-08T00:20:00.000+08:00

Whoa...yesterday I realised that I was linked by Cowboy Caleb's post

Excerpt:

The UrbanMaleBitch is another regular in the Cowboy Bar, and enjoys nothing better then the opposite sex. He went to Thailand with a few other bloggers recently and blogged about it.

I know that I’ve been highlighting norti bloggers lately, but it’s almost time for the Darling Buds of May to bloom and with the birth rate at an all time low in Sillypore, we need all the help we can get. Good blogger or Norti blogger, we have to maintain the balance in the Force.

Hmmm...... I enjoy nothing better than the opposite sex. This goes without saying. I don't think I enjoy sex with the same sex.

Correction, it should be: I enjoy nothing better than sex. And whiskey. And wine. And cold beer.

After getting linked , my hits just went through the roof.

Counter

>

Now, if only he could do the same to some of the stocks that I'm gonna buy.

My first time

2005-04-06T23:17:00.000+08:00

I sat on the bed, unsure of what else to do. To the drawer on the right was my pile of clothes, neatly folded.

She brought in a tub of warm water, and proceeded to wash my feet. I felt uncomfortable, as this was my first time. She sensed my discomfort, and looked up, with a sweet smile on my face. Finishing up, she left the room.

I sat still on the bed, wondering what would happen next. I have read so much about it, but yet, still unsure of myself. She returned, and motioned for me to lie down. She started with the toes, and the feet, and slowly worked her way up towards my groin, stopping short of the loin area. My body tensed, from her touch. It was forceful, yet relaxing. Working on my inner thighs, she massaged, touched, and knead in different angles, each bringing a different sensation.

With her limited English she asked me to flip over, and proceeded to work on my back, straddling me, carressing my neck, and shoulders, alternating between soft and hard strokes. Our backs arched from the tension build up, and with a twisting burst of movement, my spine cracked, the tension relieved, and let out a sigh of relief.

It was a good traditional Thai massage. She patted my back, and got out of the room, whilst I changed from the pajamas into my own clothes. I walked out of the room, and met up with G, Million Theory man, and proceeded to the counter to pay for the massage.

And just in case you guys were wondering, no, we did not have any 'specials'. It was a decent massage joint called 'Tao Sei' in Silom Road. Sheez.

A hedonistic weekend getaway: Day 1

2005-04-05T19:45:00.000+08:00

A friend SMSed:
Remember your passports,
Inform mindef,
Bring enough cash,
Condoms I have,
Most Importantly,
Don't leave your dick behind.
See you guys at the airport tomorrow.

With that, me, Million Theory man, G and Tripleperiod went on a tour of Thailand; with Tripleperiod being the nominated ~~sex~~ tour guide, as he was there for a year ~~fucking~~ working as an ~~sexpat~~ expat.

The journey there was rather eventful; Million Theory man was stopped at the gate before boarding the plane after the X ray machine. When his bag was checked, he was found to have an army issued jack knife, with some nylon ropes. Which he had no recollection of packing. So his name was taken, and was probably the first chinese muslim terrorist suspect in history. Though I'd think that it would be more logical to suspect him of having bondage and S & M tendencies.

Got introduced to another group of 4 guys before boarding, and Tripleperiod said wryly," People must be thinking that we are sammyboy forumers going to chiong Bangkok" , which had me laughing, as minutes before all 8 of us were ~~leering~~ ogling at a chiobu taking the same flight.

Inside Air Asia Plane

The journey was two and a half hours, and Tripleperiod was busy blogging away on his O2 phone.

"Technically, I am not blogging, as I am not connected to the internet. I am just writing my entries to upload to the blog later. So I am still keeping to my word of taking a break from blogging", he explained. Riiiiiiight. I had a sneak preview of what was to ~~cum~~ come, and will leave the details of the journey to him.

MBK

Went to MBK for some shopping, as it was quite near our hotel. It was there that I realised Chinglapoleans all chirp like birds when they are in Thailand.

"Wah...this bag only 199 baht...so cheap...that so cheap...cheap man..cheap..cheep..chip...chirp"

After the shopping, we dumped our bags in the hotel, and Tripleperiod brought us to Booze, a popular club in Thailand. I have only one word to describe the clubbing scene in Bangkok. Fantastic. The drinks were cheap, we got a bottle of Johnny Walker Black label, and mixes for 1,300 baht (about S$56++) . The resident band were really good. Some of our local bands here should take a look at them. The DJ was good too .. and some of the Thai pop and rock clubbing music was good. Though I suspect that some these songs were Thai translations of the English pop/rock music.

And the girls...whoa...they were damn cheo. And it's not only a few of them. Almost 70% of them were beautiful and pretty. And no, I made this observation before starting to drink. Only prob was, they closed at 1 am, and it was too packed for my comfort. We were drooling away at the sheer amount of pretty girls there. If you put the best of the girls that we had ogled at during our past clubbing days together, they will still lose out to this.

If they had a face masseuse there, they would have gotten business from me, as I will have needed to relax my eye and face muscles, from all the strain of ogling.

That night, I drank lots of water, not to prevent dehydration from the drinking (which was little), but to replenish water lost from excessive drooling.

Lasik Eye Check Up

2005-03-30T22:11:00.000+08:00

I went for an eye check up at Optimax on Tuesday to test for the suitability of my eye for the conventional lasik. And had my eyes probed, photographed, blown, and anaestised so that the doctor could measure my corneal thickness with a metal probe and eye pressure. And my pupils were dilated, which had the side effect of having presbytoria, or 'san kuang'. Which irritated the hell out of me, as I could not read properly and normal sun light hurt my eyes. Now I understand the feeling of hopelessness old folks feel when they start losing their sight to presbytoria.

In the end, I was told to go for LASEK instead of LASIK, as my eyesight was really bad, a result from ~~watching too much porn~~ reading too much during my younger days. Probably will make a trip to Tan Tock Seng hospital, where they have much more advanced lasers that will cut less corneal tissues compared to the Nidek lasers at Optimax.

When the tremors were felt in Singapore, my younger brother's bed shook. He quickly got out of the room, his face white, shouting that his bed shook. He thought that there was a ghost in the room. Until I told him that my bed shook too, and it was probably a slight earthquake somewhere else. I was so tired out from the day's activities that I decided to just stay put and slept like a log.

Busy Busy Busy Bee...

2005-03-25T14:41:00.000+08:00

It has been a hectic and busy week. Right after my resignation letters, there were a flurry of projects and support calls, and more incompetent/dumb/stupid people to face and support. This time, it's another IT Indian foreign talent with a Singaporean Chinese that pissed me off. Typical stingy mentality of asking for help, without wanting to pay. Sighs.

On the third day after I threw in my letter of resignation, company offered to up my salary between 70% to 100%. Which is quite a lot. But to me, it was a slap in the face. What it basically meant to me was; Hey, I know I have been underpaying you for the last 4 years, and I know you are getting a fresh grad pay, but stay with me and I will pay you your market rate. Part of me was tempted to stay, but I was tired, and I gave myself a deadline to pursue an MBA by next year. Judging by the amount of responsibilities I hold; had I stayed on, I will never be able to even complete my application form and take the GMAT.

On a brighter note, though, a good friend dropped by my class last Saturday. He was back in Singapore after a 9 month pilot training stint in ~~convict land~~ Australia. It was meant to be a surprise, but Mr. Million Theory man accidentally let the ~~pussy~~ cat out of the bag.

Million Theory man: Hey, later on in your salsa class, you will have a surprise.
Me: What surprise? You mean there will be some cheo bu attending my class?
Million Theory man: No, but it will be a surprise. And after class, no matter what, you must keep it free.
Me: Hmm....Ixxx is back already?
Million Theory man: How'd you know? Wah, ur fast man. You just spoilt your own surprise.

So after class, it was beers, dinner, beers, chill out at SouthBridge, beers, and catching up. And lame jokes about pilots, cockpits, stewardesses, and mile high clubs. And of course the meaning of an Australian kiss. For the uninitiated, it is a French Kiss, but only Down Under. It was a good night of old friends meeting up, a perfect night to cap off an otherwise stressful week.

Operation Mum's Birthday Surprise

2005-03-16T23:01:00.000+08:00

Mum was too busy working in the resident's committee to celebrate her birthday with her two sons at night. On the pretext of helping the committe install a spam control software, I got her good friend who was also in the resident's committee and planned a surprise birthday party for her.

10 am: Messaged her good friend to plan the birthday surprise. Friend called the whole zoo of friends down to the RC.

10:30 am: She replied asking for time to meet.

1pm: Bought a banana chocolate cake from Secret Recipe.

3pm: Mum called, asking me if I will be back for dinner. Told her that I will be out drinking with friends.

7pm: Collected the banana chocolate cake.

9.00pm: The rest of the RC members was at the resident committee's corner.

9.40pm: Snuck into the committee whilst the rest distracted mum.

10pm: Lit birthday cake, RC friends got mum to go into the 'karaoke room' in the RC corner.

10:05pm: Surprise! Happy Birthday mum!

10:15pm: Makan time! Her friends cooked some noodles, and bought spring rolls and BBQ chicken wings. They managed to dig out a cheap bottle of wine to celebrate the occasion too.

Well seeing her delighted and happy expression was worth the effort planning and lugging the 2.4 kg cake home. Especially since no one knew that her birthday was today. And as far as I can remember, no one gave her a surprise birthday party before.

Wished I could have thrown a grander surprise party, or afford to get her the diamond pendant/ring that she wanted. Sighs ... when you are poor as a church mouse, gotta make do with what you have.

Resignation

2005-03-16T20:34:00.000+08:00

After 4 years of toiling and slaving in my job, I have finally handed in my letter of resignation. It was more of a relief, a lifting of responsibility as my manager accepted the letter, without trying to keep me in the company, as he knew that I had wanted to resign long ago.

I'd thought my mood would be that of a happy and gleeful one, but as I handed in the letter, it was more of a nolstagic feeling. Of having cut my teeth into the dynamic and fast paced IT world. And now leaving my training ground behind. Of relief, of having to make the change. Of not supporting difficult clients anymore. Tired and battle worn from the daily grinding IT tasks. They did want to counter offer me, but I guess when it's time to change a job, it is not only the pay, but the change of environment. 4 years has been the longest time that I stayed in the same place. It's time to move on.

California Fitness

2005-03-14T23:16:00.000+08:00

A friend gave me two free one week passes to California Fitness, and out of curiosity, I had decided to go visit ~~babe haven~~ the gym with Mr Million Theory man.

After giving us a standard 45 mins 'prep' standard talk about fitness goals, exercise, health....blah ..blah... blah...we were finally allowed to use the gym. We also took this test on a machine to measure our muscle mass, bone density, fat content..blah ..blah blah. And guess what, not only am I overweight, I am overfat!

There is a lot of babes in California Fitness. Skimpily dressed, sexy, hot bod babes. How anyone can concentrate on working out, is beyond my comprehension. The only workout that you can do there, would be the running stations. Just ~~ogle at the girl's butt in front~~ watch the TV as distraction while running, and before you know it, an hour is up.

On the 2nd floor, there is a whole myriad of gym equipment. Mind boggling variety of equipment for different parts of the body. The guys dominated the machines working out the abs, arms, and shoulders, whilst the girls straddled the machines working out the ~~boobs~~ chest, thighs and butts.

There was a yoga class going on, and there was this particularly cute girl in the class. Being a blur sotong, I did not notice her...until I noticed half the guys in the gym staring through the glass door, into her ass. At that time, she was doing this funny yoga position, where the butt sticks up in the air. Heh. Now I know why California Fitness is doing so well.

The third floor had a body combat class going on. Interesting...high impact exercise. They also had all these free weights section, where most of the hunkier, brawnier guys go to. Ironically, instead of feeling all macho, and ready to work out, I felt sissyfied. There is something fishy with all that amount of tostesterone there. Until I realised that half of them were gays. Good looking, lean mean fucking machine that would pull in the chicks........with dicks.

So I had a good workout there (especially my eyes). And another prep talk from the personal trainers after the workout. I saw this fat personal trainer, trying to sell the gym membership, and nearly burst out laughing at the irony of the situation.

After the two hour gym workout, we decided to meet KFC for dinner at East Coast Park hawker center....and wasted my two hours of gym session on sambal stingray, sotong, satay, fried oysters and chicken wings. Topped up with sugar cane juice. Yum. Words can't describe the food there, so I leave you with the pictures of the food that I took.

Satay

Sambal Stingray

Tired

2005-03-13T11:21:00.000+08:00

I am tired,
Of working long hours,
Of facing incompetent people,
Of drawing a miserable pay.

I am tired,
Of caring for an ungrateful brother,
Of looking out for his future,
When he clearly does not bother.

I am tired,
Of being the pillar of strength for my family,
Of being the one that never falters,
Of having to worry about my mother's health.

I am jaded,
Of living the hectic life,
Of being responsible for my family,
Of the sacrifices that I make for them.

Forgive me,
For wanting to break free,
To rid the chains that tie me down,
That is slowly choking me to death.

Forgive me,
For wanting to chase my dreams,
Of travelling round the world,
And experiencing different cultures.

Eye for a guy in real life.

2005-03-10T00:47:00.000+08:00

I was watching Eye for a Guy (Singapore's version of bachelorette) today whilst taking a bus to work; and I suddenly realized why I enjoyed meeting her and all her guy friends so much. It's like watching the Eye for a Guy in real life, except that her admirers has more substance in between their ears, unlike the pussyfied Eye for a Guy contestants. I am still speculating if she is doing this on purpose or unknowingly. Knowing her blur nature, I suspect the latter. In any case, she has such a wicked sense of humour, herding them together in an outing. =).

Oh, and by the way, you should check Channel's 5 description of the contestants.

Eye For A Guy is about 10 single, attractive guys who are charming, intelligent, and confident enough to believe they have what it takes to get the girl.

I didn't know Channel 5 has such a sarcastic sense of humour.

In conversation with Cheeky Chops along Arab Street

2005-03-06T15:16:00.000+08:00

On the topic of naming kids.

Cheeky Chops: Can't be just any Tom, Dick and Harry.
Me: Hur? Tom's dick is hairy? Who is Tom? And how do you know it's hairy?
Cheeky Chops: Hahahahaa...

I swear I am getting deaf...I keep hearing the wrong things.

On the topic of life's little session.

Me: As I was saying, I learned a very important lesson last week. Never ~~pick~~ clear your nose in a public toilet. The resulting heightened orafactory senses could just hit you like a ton of brick. Especially the stench of poo. And if you really need to clear your nose, go to a hotel toilet. And check if no one is pooing.
Cheeky Chops: LOL...you know what? You should blog this.

On the topic of a girl's attractiveness

Cheeky Chops: A girl who is seen as trying too hard to attract guys or being desperate is a turn off.
Me: Well... it has something to do with their physical attributes too. If they're short/fat/ugly, guys would not want to chase their skirts. As a result, they get more desperate and try harder to attract guys; or hanker for them. On the other hand, pretty/beautiful people attract guys, so they would be bored of them. Being the centre of attraction could also boost the girls ego and self confidence.
Cheeky Chops: Then if they're fat, there is no excuse. They can always go for a swim and go to the gym.

Ah...enlightenment. Gurls...if ur fat n ugly, go to a gym...at least on the streets you will look good from far, but far from good. It's better than looking fat from far, and far from fit.

On the topic of customer service.

Me: Yeah, this Ambrosia place has very nice ambience and friendly staff.
Cheeky Chops: Agreed. Even if their sheesha is $6 more expensive than the one next to Al Majlis, I would come here because of the customer service. Customer service is important.

On the topic of a girls body parts.

Cheeky Chops: So, are you a boobs person? From your blog, it seems like ur a boob person.
Me: The first thing that attracts me to a girl are her eyes.
Cheeky Chops: No, really.
Me: Really. It's the eyes.
Cheeky Chops: I mean body parts, excluding the face.
Me: Hmmmmm.....
Cheeky Chops waits for a few mins.
Me: I think I'm a legs person.
Cheeky Chops: Really? Not boobs?
Me: Yeah, if you notice, I do have medium size hands. Anything more than medium is a waste.

Of course I'm a legs person. Gotta take care of my little brother. Can't for the life of me imagine humping a girl with thunder thighs. Wait later get abrasion on my little brother, how?

Ali's Mum for desserts

2005-03-06T03:57:00.000+08:00

I have a high tolerance level for bad service, but the extremely bad service for the sheesha shop next to Al Majlis takes the cake.

At 10:45 pm: We reached Kaki 5 at Arab St. Ordered Apricot Apple Sheesha from the sheesha shop (nb: NOT Kaki 5. Kaki 5 does not sell sheesha but sells really good lychee tempation). Boss told me that it will take a long time. Ordered a lychee temptation and had a chat with friend.

At 11.45 pm: Went to check on the sheesha. Was told to check with the guy who prepared sheesha. Checked with the guy. Without even turning to look at the paper, he said an hour. "But we have already placed our order an hour ago....", I said. Here comes the clincher:

"If you can't wait then you can go off"

And he said this in full view of his boss, who was happily ~~relak one corner~~ smoking sheesha away, and did not seem bothered by the situation.

I was incensed. I wanted to kick up a big fuss when I realised that futility of the situation; if the ~~mat~~ guy is dumb enough to say this to a regular customer in full view of the boss, he is probably too dumb to know what customer service is, much less spell the word. I thought only sheesha smoking spoils the lungs. Clearly, it destroys brain cells too. Probably explains why they are working there, nothing else to destroy; no harm done.

Now I know how those stereotypical jokes about stupidity came about. It takes only a few black sheep to tar the entire flock, pun not intended.

On a brighter note though, we decided that we should take our business elsewhere, and ended up at Ambrosia, whose service was MUCH better than the shop. Service was prompt, and they had ambience. Nice chairs and carpets, with arabic music flowing through. It was like heaven and earth. Mercedes Benz and Proton Saga.

I had peach infused tea, and she had camomile tea. Sheesha came in about 20 minutes, along with prompt charcoal refills and service with a smile. In fact, it was so cosy that we chatted late to almost 3 am without realising it.

Sheesha with tea

The waiter, Fuhsal, introduced an arabic dessert to us. Um Ali. Its like bread pudding with raisins. Loosely translated, it means Ali's Mum. Great. So I had Ali's Mum with raisins for desserts. And it satisfied my sweet ~~tongue~~ tooth.

Um_Ali

Gothman Penthouse

2005-03-05T10:24:00.000+08:00

So, are you interested in going to Gothman Penthouse? Heard it's quite hot. There's ang moh poledancers and tanks with jelly fish

Hmmm... interesting ... jellyfish?

Fug the jellyfish. We're going there for the poledancers.

Been to strip clubs in England before until sian.

It's also for the new clubbing environment. Must try new clubs, everytime we club on the same old Newsroom Bar or Madam Wong's.

What time are you gonna be there?

11pm

So there I was, in front of the club, more interested in seeing the decor that has jellyfish in fish tanks rather than a club with poledancers.

Ok, not only seeing the jellyfish. With a club that has the name ~~Playboy~~ Penthouse on it, it's definitely worth a look. Especially when he said that there's ang moh poledancers. In Singapore.

Entrance to club was through a lift to the third floor. I had an inkling on the type of clientele there when I was stuck in the lift with 4 other tall blocky caucasian girls, who were communicating in a series of grunts. Must be Germans.

Entrance to the club was $12, and the beers were like half pint beers. It was almost like a ghost town.

There were a handful of ang moh teenagers grooving on the dance floor to hip hop music. Yes, they had groove, unlike the normal Singaporean guys/gals that just bop up and down in the dance floor. There were a couple of cute girls.

It suddenly hit me that the ang moh girls look their best during their teenage years. After 21, they just ~~grow fat and ugly~~ go downhill from there. No wonder England has so many paedophiles.

Decor reminded me of the now defunct Centro. Even the toilets. I guess they must have had a good bargain buying the decor 2nd hand from Centro. Times are bad.

At around 11.45pm, the dancers came on to the stage. two of them; but they were not ang mohs. And not pole dancers either. Only skimpily dressed girls dancing and gyrating away. 10 minutes of ogling and I was bored. Friends could not ~~groove to~~ appreciate the hip hop music; one of them had to work the next day, and Tripleperiod, who ~~conned~~ enticed me there wanted to leave too. So that left me in the club, and being bored out of my wits...and had decided to follow suit.

It's only when we stepped out that more people started streaming in ... consisted mostly of mat rawkers and ang moh teenagers, which made me feel like an ancient relic.

Not a club that I would want to back to. But then again, maybe it only gets really happening later. And the company of friends that I was with that night was just tired out.

ARGH!!! Stupidity Overdose.

2005-03-04T19:39:00.000+08:00

It's 7:39 pm on a Friday, and I could just tear my hair out talking to @#$%@$!!! stupid dumb CB fuck faced end-user-who-manages-IT-network but do NOT know a single damn fucking thing about the @#$%@#% fucking network! Urgh! And I had to explain to him how to configure his Outlook just because his administrators has no respect for him and does not even bother with to entertain his stupid requests. How pathetic can one get?

Ok, enough of my rants. Now I feel much better.

Editor's note: The client in question is an Indian foreign talent, with a huge pay packet. His talent? Stupidity, with an overdose of incompetency. Only knows how to talk. How they hire such talent is foreign to me. I am dumbfounded. Perhaps this is what you mean by 'foreign talent'.

Chill out night at Arab Street

2005-03-04T00:41:00.000+08:00

Kaki 5

Chilling along the back alley of Arab Street,
Cigarettes and sheesha, we took turns puffing,
Joking, laughing and enjoying the company,
It's life's simplest pleasures that makes life worth living.

It was a refreshingly nice chill out night after a long tiring day at work, with friends, just smoking sheesha, cigarettes, yakking away and having a good laugh. Initially, I had wanted to catch the famed Seaon the Stylist and partner performing salsa at Union Square and probably get some dancing done, but lethargy and the lure of sheesha seduced me to the back alleys of Arab Street.

Cheeky Chop's comment cracked me up when she said that she was "glad that her sister married her brother-in-law', and we talked about marriage, and all those "tekan" sessions that they made the groom do. Amongst them was passing an egg from the left trousers of the groom to the right trousers without using hands. And having a marriage contract that favours the bride. What is his is hers, and what is hers, is hers. Ahh...the things a guy will do to get his girl.

CF choked while puffing on two sheesha simultaneously, when Suf commented that she could "handle two" blows at a go. I am beginning to like this guy's wit. We were taking turns photographing each other puffing out sheesha smoke with the digital camera. Mr. Million Theory man finally managed to exhale a large amount of smoke after taking lessons from CF the sheesha guru, a.k.a. as the chimney. Oh, and did I mention that she looked great in that black and red spaghetti top?

The no. 1 cause of haze in Singapore has been found

I actually got a tad bit high and grabbed the sheesha from Suf when he was not done with it. I am horrified at my reaction. How rude can I be.

Lethargy finally conquered and I left the group early to get some rest. And here I am at 1:19 am, blogging this away. The transformation of a blogging addict begins.

What is missing now to complete the night is a glass of Macallan on the rocks.

I think I am still possesed by a ghost of a poet, albeit a lousy one too.

Mathematical Proof that Girls are Evil.

2005-03-03T10:05:00.000+08:00

Got this joke off the Cowboy Bar. This mathematical equation is a classic.

Mathematical proof that Girls are Evil.

Now with all guys that have a girlfriend or wife, we can make a general assumption that for all species of the female sex (F), Time (T) and money($) are required for any major conquest or pacification.

As such we can infer the initial mathematical relation that:
Girls = Time x Money ------- (1)

Next we further exert the natural and common agreement that time is money,
Time = Money ------------------------ (2)

Therefore by combining Equation (1) and (2) we can derive that,
Girls = Time x Money = Money x Money = Money ^ 2

So we get equation 3,
Girls = Money ^ 2 --------- (3)

Further to this, we also know that Money is the root of all Evil, which generalizes evil, and from that we can write the identity:
Money = Evil ^ (1/2) ----------- (4)

Thus taking equation 3 and 4 and combining them, we get
Girls = Money ^ 2 = (Evil ^(1/2))^2 = Evil

Thus, by mathematical proof and the above proposition, we are forced to conclude that mathematically, Girls are Evil.

And yet another poetry.

2005-03-02T17:29:00.000+08:00

Sashaying in a white dress,
Dancing in a white top,
Caressed with salsa music,
Spinning like a top,

With sexy graceful movements,
That belies her heavy frame,
An expression of beauty,
She sets my heart aflame.

I think I am possessed by a ghost of a poet. I can't believe I am ~~spouting~~ composing this.

10 things I like about my job.

2005-03-02T11:13:00.000+08:00

Just to keep me motivated at work, I think I shall list down 10 things that I like about my job.

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. My job helps me fund my vices.

Singapore Pledge for Wedded Couples.

2005-03-01T23:12:00.000+08:00

Linked from Mr Brown's blog entry, Julia got an invitation package from Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS), because they were married with no kids.

Excerpts of the letter:

Dear Mr & Mrs XXX
We hope this letter finds you both in good health and marital bliss.
Every marriage faces challenges at one time or another. Equipped with family life skills, couples will be in a better position to face and resolve challenges along the way, build stronger marital ties and enjoy ever-flowing stream of marital bliss.
In this regard, we are most pleased to enclose an exciting menu of family life programmes. These include topics such as family life, balancing work and family, and planning and preparing for the next beautiful milestone of your life, i.e. having babies......You may be pleased to know that couples attending such programmes have advised of their enormous benefits. We are also confident you will also enjoy and gain much from these programmes......
......If we receive your reply by 7 March 2005, you will receive a complimentary gift that will spice up your married life......

I think it is time that we should rewrite the Singapore pledge:

We, the wedded couples of Singapore,
Pledge ourselves as one baby making machine,
Regardless of position, fetishes or sexual preferences,
So as to achieve more tax breaks,incentives,
And better baby counts for our nation.

School Vision.

2005-02-28T23:09:00.000+08:00

Today I was reading the Joint Admission Exercise form that my younger brother had brought back after his O Level results. I was highly amused by my alma mater's vision written on the Joint Admission Exercise form:

- Enhance and educate for the spiritual and moral dimensions of life
I remembered those moral education classes, where we copied homework.

- Nurture independent, collaborative and innovative learners
Independent? Definitely! Depended on ourselves to understand coursework, as we skipped too much lectures.

Collaborative? Of course...we had a collaborative tutorial copying network.

Innovative? Had a friend who skipped classes and never handed in homework, but yet won the geography prize. Teachers had nothing good to say about him..and so...they said they he had a rather interesting way of approaching lessons...

- Strengthen social responsibility

Every Friday after school, different classes has a roster to clean up the school surroudings. It was a disguise to save on cleaning costs. Having said that, we deserved it ... as most of the students there graffitied using liquid paper on the lecture tables out of boredom. Amongst the most prominent:

1. "Top 10 Girls" on the lecture table

2. In response, a "Top 10 Guys" on the lecture table

3. Sketch of the principal in a bikini

4. Being a mission school, vandalised in the toilet:
"God do not exist - Axxx".
A few spaces down was another response:
"Axxx will not exist long either - God"

5. And my personal fav, which I am proud to have graffitied:
"Please do not vandalise".

- Pursue character building in all its forms
All those torturous weekly Monday morning boring assembly one hour lectures delivered by an old fashioned fat nun definitely builds patience and character.

- Build a strong community for all
Hmmm .... we had a strong community all right. We had different communities:

1. Community of canoeist hunks with huge biceps with equally huge ego
2. Community of geeks that meets every Friday to play Magic:the Gathering card game
3. Community of cool dudes of which I was not a part of =)
4. Community of dudes that skip classes of which I was the president.
And the list goes on...

Blogging Addict.

2005-02-27T17:05:00.000+08:00

I think I am getting addicted to the voyeuristic and exhibitionistic world of blogging. Reading into other blogger's life, not unlike The Truman Show. Penning down thoughts for the world to see. Reading on links and articles provided by bloggers such as Cowboy Caleb and Mr.Brown.

Speaking of which, Mr. Cowboy has a rather interesting link to a sex blog summary site. Great. Now I have more stuff to corrupt my already dirty little mind.

Let's talk about boobs.

2005-02-26T23:48:00.000+08:00

Today I was at Singapore Dance Masters Competition 2005 watching the ballroom dance competition, and I came across a stall called The Boobshop. Yes, you heard that right. The Boobshop.

Boobshop

Bustaids sold by Boobshop

Apparently, this stall sells strapless bras that will enhance a girls assets. From a cup size B to a cup size C. Ah, today I learned something new.

I am still amused as to why a girl would want to enhance their boobs. Aspire to be the Twin Peaks of Himalayas, when they are only Mount Faber. Don't they know, anything more than a handful is a waste. And we Asian guys do not have that big hands either.

And that got me to wondering, how did the cup size rating came about, and here is my conclusion for the cup size sizing:

A is for Airport;
B means Barely There;
C stands for Can Do;
D is Damn good;
E is just Enormous;
F is really Fake.

Comments, anyone?

Corporate Buzzwords

2005-02-25T15:53:00.000+08:00

A colleague sent me an e-mail about the latest buzzwords to include in our daily corporate vocabulary. Now I know that I do a lot of percussive maintenance. Heh.

-----Excerpt------

Latest buzzwords to add to your corporate vocabulary.

Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits over every thing and then leaves.

Blowing your buffer - Losing your train of thought.

Salmon day - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

Chainsaw consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the brass with clean hands.

CLM - Career-limiting move - Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is aserious CLM.

Adminisphere - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.

Keyboard Plaque - The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.

Ohnosecond - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

Yuppie Food Stamps - the ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: "We all owe $8 each, but all anybody's got is yuppie food stamps."

Rules of Engagement: Hokkien Profanities.

2005-02-23T22:22:00.000+08:00

Whilst smoking sheesha along Arab Street, a friend was explaining to me the silent grammatical rules of hokkien swearing:

1. Offensive swearing uses the feminine swear words. For example, if you are pissed at someone, you would probably say (or swear): " Nah Beh".

2. Defensive swearing uses the masculine swear words. For example, if someone stares at you, and you start to feel uncomfortable, you would probably say: " Kua simi lan chiao!".

Scenario:
In a car accident, a typical clash of profanities would be as thus:

Ah Beng (offensive): Kan Ni Na Bu Chao Chee Bye! Why you bang my car for? You blind is it? Cannot see my car in front of you?

Ah Seng (defensive): Lan Chiao! Your car just cut in front of me like that, how to brake?!

Ah Beng (still offensive): You bloody Chee Bye! You better compensate me!

Ah Seng (still defensive): Lum Pah! Compensate you when it is your fault? Lan Tui!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Appendix:

Definition of Hokkien swear words (from The Coxford Dictionary, talkingcock.com)

CHEE BYE
(chee bai)
One of the rudest terms in Singlish. Essentially, "vagina", though not confined to clinical gynecological circumstances. The English equivalent would be "cunt".

KAN NI NA BU/ KAN NI NA BU CHAO CHEE BYE
The rudest phrase of all. Use only if you wish to be beaten up or want other people to think you were raised in a longkang. Literally: "Fuck your mother/Fuck your mother's smelly cunt."

LAN CHEOW
A Hokkien term meaning "penis". Often used in a similar fashion to "like real".Recruit: "Eh, Sergeant, sign my Off Pass leh.." Sergeant: "Lan Cheow! Knock it down twenty!"

LAN TUI
(lahn tooi)
Hokkien phrase literally meaning "penis split". The Hokkien version of "Up yours!" or "Nuts to you!"."You want me to type 100 copies by today? Lan tui, unnerstand!"

LUM PAH
Hokkien for "testicles".

NA BEH/NA BU/NI NA BEH/ NI NA BU
Various contractions of "Ka Ni Na Bu Chao Chee Bye".

Sheesha, CF inspired poetry

2005-02-22T02:31:00.000+08:00

She sat cross legged,
Under the starry night,
Tasting fruit flavoured smoke,
An expression of delight.

I know CF is pretty, attractive, talented and has many admirers, but to inspire such a verse to an UNPOETIC person like me? Over sheesha and ramli burger at the Railway station? She must be a really special girl.....

Some relationships are never meant to be forgotten.

2005-02-21T10:44:00.000+08:00

Promise

You promised the sky
Why should I believe you
You said I could fly
But nothing seems true

Hope is gone
Trust is lost
Faith has died
You win, I lose

It seems like a game
I thought I knew the rules
Things started to change
Was it I, or was it you

Hope is gone
Trust is lost
Faith has died
You win, I lose

Nothing ever means the way it seems to be
Nothing ever works out the way it should be
No one ever raised me up, threw me down
The way you did, Did to me

Hope is gone
Trust is lost
Faith has died
You win, I lose

--Excerpt from instantoats.blogspot.com--

Reading this poem reminded me of my past relationship with her. How could I not forget...she taught me how to love unconditionally. A simple girl, with a heart of gold. I am very sorry for the pain that I have caused you.

In 2 days time, it will be your birthday. I hope you will enjoy the dance number that I had choreographed for you, and like the simple gift that I had prepared.

Happy Birthday.

Reigniting my alcoholic tendencies again....

2005-02-20T18:47:00.000+08:00

On Friday, met up with the usual gang after a family dinner. Had wanted to salsa initially, but the thought of seeing KFC and friends in action with the girls they picked up last week (their most successful attempt so far, or should I say only successful attempt?) was too much of a tempation. Not after hearing KFC's adventures in the HDB lift.

So there I was, at Mdm Wong's ... slightly tipsy after consuming 6 full glasses of wine at the family dinner, 3 mugs of beer at Soundbar, before heading off to meet KFC. Within a space of 2 years, since I last stepped in, it has morphed to an Ah Beng hangout. Urgh. Well, only redeeming factor is that they do not play techno and trance.

Of course, I got introduced to the group of gals. And I was pleasantly surprised:

1. They speak Engrriiiiish! Not the cheena kind of English, but proper English. Based on previous reports, I expected otherwise. Now I know that Ah lians could pronounce properly.

2. A few of them are professionals. Now I know smart Lians do exist.

3. They may not exactly be good looking, but at least they are not fugly, or fucking butt ugly. Now I know my friends were not exactly drunk when they made their move. Heh.

There was this particular girl that made quite an impression.

Txxx: Hi, my name is Txxx.
Me: I'm Axxxxx.
Txxxx: Are you catholic?
Me: (WTF....asking me this in a middle of a club??) Er...I'm a half fucked catholic. Have not attended mass for a few months already.

At which point, she proceeded to 'nag' at me to attend church..and grabbed me in a friendly way and telling me to be a good catholic. So here I am, half drunk, in a Beng environment, being grabbed by a Lian, told to be a good catholic. Not that I really mind being grabbed, but reminded to be a good catholic???????!!!!!!! ARGHHH... being the sarcastic me...wanted to tell her that that the gospel for those few months of absence is legs, and I wouldn't mind spreading the gospel there. Which of course, I did not. Despite everything about myself, I do have a reputation to maintain. *grin*. And hence the blog to bitch here to let off steam.

Anyway, I was not really interested in mixing with those group of girls (blame it on the age, having done that so long ago. And no, I am NOT gay), and ended chatting and drinking with Mr. Soccer pundit. Over a bottle of remy martin, mixed with coke. Which was quite a bad mistake, cause it made me puke. And I realised that over the past year and a half staying off alcohol, my alcohol tolerance level has dropped. By a lot. Which is good. I could only get half pissed after sharing a bottle of Chivas with my ex-drinking-buddy who got married and is now living in Canada.

I guess from now on, drinking would be lighter on my pockets.

To sum the night up it was fun; I got to see the guys and girls in action. Though the prey was actually the predator, luring guys to chat them up, and buy them drinks. The guys get a feel here and there, and the girls gets a free ride home in exchange.

It was like watching National Geographic, only better as you are closer to the action.

Heh. And I love watching National Geographic.

Half Empty Office

2005-02-18T07:40:00.000+08:00

You know that there are far too many managers and directors when a company holds a one day management retreat/meeting, and half the office is empty. And here I am, in a half empty office. Or some would say half full office.

And it feels like the Friday just after Chinese New Year, so main activity for the day is to surf the net. And blog. Here's something I found on the web. *chuckle*. Now I know what I wanna do...I wanna take an MBA and be an idealist; not so much a practical engineer.

A MBA and an Engineer go on a camping trip, set up their tent,and fell asleep. Some hours later, the Engineer wakes his MBA friend. " Look up at the sky and tell me what you see." The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars." The Engineer asks "What does that tell you?"The MBA ponders for a minute: "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears tobe approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
The Engineer friend is silent for a moment, then speaks: "Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".

Current MSN Nick: Salary is like a period; it comes once a month, lasts 5-7 days, and if it doesn't, you are in big trouble.